Syrinx 13 Posted February 14, 2008 WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be Prime Minister. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress £800.00. Suit rental- £100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is £5.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SayethWhaaaa 245 Posted February 14, 2008 You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. I wouldn't necessarily agree with that. My gf goes a bit bunta (apesh..) if I don't shave. I have to deal with flailing arms coming at me and that ain't easy to deal with! It's my buddha given right to grow crap facial hair!! :yes: Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Bounder Posted February 14, 2008 WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED: What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put.(UNLESS YA SPANISH) The garage is all yours. (WHERE YA THINK THE WASHER N DRYER R ) Wedding plans take care of themselves.(BUT DADDY PAID FOR IT) Chocolate is just another snack. You can be Prime Minister.(YA FORGOT BOUT THE IRON LADY) You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.(IN TEXAS YA CAN DO BOTH) Car mechanics tell you the truth.(YR) The world is your urinal. (EVER SEE FEMALES IN IRAQ)You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky. (DEPENDS IF IT A STANDING OR SITTING OPERATION)You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.(YR LOL) Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress £800.00.(DADDY BOUGHT IT) Suit rental- £100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.( YA NEVER SAW MEN CALL FROM IRAQ) You know stuff about tanks. A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. (AFTER WOMEN LOOSEN UM )You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. your underwear is £5.95 for a three-pack.(CRAP Y'ALL KEEP ASKING TO WEAR UM )Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public.( YA EVER WEAR A JOCKEY STRAP?) You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life.(AND WOMEN DON'T ?????) One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier. reread it now! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Bounder Posted February 14, 2008 (edited) Touche ! THANK YOU MA LADY Edited February 14, 2008 by Bounder Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Syrinx 13 Posted February 14, 2008 TO MY DEAR WIFE: During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often: 54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be asleep 22 times you had a headache 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby 16 times you said you were too sore 12 times it was the wrong time of the month 19 times you had to get up early 9 times you said you weren't in the mood 7 times you were sunburned 6 times you were watching the late show 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us 9 times you said your mother would hear us Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because: 6 times you just laid there 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move ========================================================== TO MY DEAR HUSBAND: I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did: 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat 36 times you did not come home at all 21 times you didn't cum 33 times you came too soon 19 times you went soft before you got in 38 times you worked too late 10 times you got cramps in your toes 29 times you had to get up early to play golf 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running 2 times you had a splinter in your finger 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book 98 times you were too busy watching TV Of the times we did get together: The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Bounder Posted February 14, 2008 (edited) ROFLOL CRYING LOL :rofl: Cant thing of anything to match so i yield to the Lady. Edited February 14, 2008 by Bounder Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kesegy 5 Posted February 14, 2008 only women can get into this kinda discussion so early in the morning. that time of the month must be fast approaching (sorry, couldn't resist) on the bright side, we let you fly planes. isn't that a big leap of faith on our part?? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Bounder Posted February 14, 2008 (edited) only women can get into this kinda discussion so early in the morning. that time of the month must be fast approaching (sorry, couldn't resist) on the bright side, we let you fly planes. isn't that a big leap of faith on our part?? OMG! here comes the NUKES, me thinks the war of the sexes has begin yet again. Edited February 14, 2008 by Bounder Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ironroad 218 Posted February 14, 2008 I just got depressed reading the first post... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Muesli 2,151 Posted February 14, 2008 Ah, damn! This is the best thread I have seen in years! Hahahaha, keeps me cracking up! Even the "missus" is laughing! Thanks Nicky, you rule! Muesli Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Soulfreak 6,351 Posted February 14, 2008 funny topic! *rofl* btw, the world isn´t our urinal. since last summer i know that. i had to pay 25€, cause i thought the world is my urinal. So i did it (at a Music-festival) in the nature. The policeman who saw me, was not the same opinion as I. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MigBuster 2,861 Posted February 14, 2008 lol - cheers Nicky have just mailed that 2nd bit to my boss (shes so hot ) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JediMaster 451 Posted February 14, 2008 Fortunately, a lot of that doesn't apply to my wife and me. She makes quite a lot more than I do, for one. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mannie 21 Posted February 14, 2008 (edited) How many times a week you get to do it? I do it almost every day. almost did it on sunday. almost on monday. almost on tuesday. almost on Wednesday. almost on thursday. almost on friday. almost on saturday. And as for your say Nikky meaaam that we man take life with ease. Yeah, but you get to live longer. we bail out earlier. Edited February 14, 2008 by MannieB. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Falcon161 3 Posted February 14, 2008 TO MY DEAR HUSBAND: I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did: 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat 36 times you did not come home at all 21 times you didn't cum 33 times you came too soon 19 times you went soft before you got in 38 times you worked too late 10 times you got cramps in your toes 29 times you had to get up early to play golf 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running 2 times you had a splinter in your finger 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book 98 times you were too busy watching TV Of the times we did get together: The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe. Oh my god!!!! Nicky I gotta give ya props on this one Lass!! OH lordy lordy lordy! This definitely made being sick on Valentines day a little brighter!!! hahahahahahaha Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Longestpants 1 Posted February 14, 2008 (edited) You can be Prime Minister. "In Kazakhstan, we say 'let a womans into pilotics is like letting a monkey have a gun. Very dangerous!'" Edited February 14, 2008 by Longestpants Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wrench 9,426 Posted February 15, 2008 You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. What's so hard remembering "righty tighty, lefty loosey"?? *unless it's an oollldd Dodge or Chrylser* btw, great posts Nicky!!!! I'll show them to Pat when she gets home. Wrench kevin stein Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Viggen 516 Posted February 15, 2008 Someone made the right choice to make you a moderator! I've been laughing at these all days. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hawk MMS 0 Posted February 15, 2008 Isn't this borderline "political"? I thought I was never depressed because I am well adjusted, did 6 years in the Corps and Mommy and Daddy love me. Oh yeah and i am the minority share holder as well, do what i am told, and built her Dad's: fence, put a new kitchen in his house, installed 1200 sq feet of flooring, painted the house. And then i did all of that over again at my house. Slaves, I mean husbands are happy to help. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Syrinx 13 Posted February 15, 2008 Hmm. To be honest, I'm the most politically incorrect person I know... In moderation, of course. ! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hawk MMS 0 Posted February 15, 2008 Hmm. To be honest, I'm the most politically incorrect person I know... In moderation, of course. ! Nope, my coworker Tom is, I can't even say the things he says or i will be damned for all eternity I think (at least by my wife). Speaking of Tom I have to rotate off of 8 hour shifts on to his 12 hour shift for 3 weeks to cover for him. His @$$ is bleeding. Hey see, i can be non pc too i guess. I should have said that Operator X is out for UC (Ulcerative Colitis) for 3 weeks using his Sick benefits for a period to be determined by a medical professional. And we have it easy? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Syrinx 13 Posted February 15, 2008 Someone made the right choice to make you a moderator! I've been laughing at these all days. Just lulling you into a false sense of security... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Viggen 516 Posted February 15, 2008 crap. First C5 says I've been enlisted in your army now this? YOUR EVIL! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
raven-1 0 Posted February 15, 2008 (edited) nicky,i'm in love you remind me of my first [and only] wife.god i love beer! Edited February 15, 2008 by HrntFixr Don't post drunk dude! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
