Creepy847 0 Posted August 14, 2004 It was 5:00 in the morning at the U.S. Navy boot camp, well below freezing, and the sailors were asleep in their barracks. The drill Chief walks in and bellows, "This is an inspection! I wanna see you's all formed up outside butt naked NOW!" So, the sailors quickly jumped out the rack, naked and shivering, and ran outside to form up in their three ranks. The Chief walked out and yells, "Close up the ranks, conserve your body heat!" So they close in slightly... The captain comes along with his swagger stick. He goes to the first sailor and whacks him right across the chest with it. "DID THAT HURT?" he yells. "No, Sir!" came the reply. "Why not?" "Because I'm a U.S. Sailor, Sir!" The captain is impressed, and walks on to the next man. He takes the stick and whacks the soldier right across the rear. "Did THAT hurt?" "No, Sir!" "Why not?" "Because I'm a U.S. Sailor, Sir!" Still extremely impressed, the captain walks to the third guy, and sees he has an enormous erection. Naturally, he gave his target a huge WHACK with the swagger stick. "Did THAT hurt?" "No, Sir!" "Why not?" "Because it belongs to the guy behind me, Sir!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gator 0 Posted August 15, 2004 NOT FUNNY!!!!! I am not laughing here..... Why does everyone always assume sailors are gay. hell 30 perscent of my shipscrew are female. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Creepy847 0 Posted August 15, 2004 Ahhh Gator I hope you like this one then. A Marine dies in combat and wakes up to find he is in hell. He's really depressed as he stands in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance counselor. He thinks to himself I know I lead a wild life but, Hell, I'm a Marine. We're expected to live wild lives. I wasn't that bad. I never thought it would come to this. " Looking up he sees that it is his turn to be processed into hell. With fear and heavy heart, he walks up to the counselor. Counselor: What's the problem, you look depressed? Marine: Well, what do you think? I'm in hell. Counselor: Hell's not so bad, We actually have a lot of fun. Do you like to drink? Marine: Of course I do. I'm a Marine. Counselor: Well then, you are going to love Mondays, On Mondays we drink up a storm. You can have whiskey, rum, tequila, beer, whatever you want and as much you want. We party all night long. You'll love Mondays. Do you smoke? Marine: Yes, as a matter of fact I do. Counselor: You are going to love Tuesdays. Tuesday is smoke day. You get to smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available anywhere. And you smoke to your heart's desire without worrying about cancer because you are already dead! Is that great or what? You are going to love Tuesdays. Do you like to fight? Marine: Of course I do. I'm a Marine! Counselor: You are going to love Wednesdays. That's Fighting Day. We challenge each other to fights to see who's the toughest in Hell. You don't have to worry about getting hurt or killed, because you're already dead.You are going to love Wednesdays. Do you gamble? Marine: Show me a Marine who doesn't! Counselor: You are going to love Thursdays, Because we gamble all day and night. Black jack, craps, poker, slots, horse races, everything! you are going to love Thursdays. Are you gay? Marine: Of course, not! I'm a Marine! Counselor: Oh (grimaces) , you're going to hate Fridays Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
firehawkordy 34 Posted August 15, 2004 que the crickets Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nesher 629 Posted August 15, 2004 LOLOLOL loved the first joke , the second has a Hebrew version if i'm not mistaken we have a lot of military jokes in here (u probably figure it out :) ) too bad it will be lost in translation :\ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
zagnut 0 Posted August 15, 2004 Good ones guys, now I have one for ya, A Soldier, Sailor, Airman and Marine got into an argument as > to which > service was "the best." The arguing became so intense the four > servicemen > failed to see an oncoming truck. They were struck and killed > instantly. > > Soon the servicemen found themselves at the Pearly Gates where > they met > St. Peter. They decided only he could be the ultimate source of > truth and > honesty. So, the four asked him, "St. Peter, which branch of > the United > States Armed Forces is the best?" After a few moments he > replied that he > could not answer that and would have to kick it up to God for > an answer > the next time he saw Him. Meanwhile, thank you for your > service on earth > and > welcome to Heaven. > > Some time later the four see St. Peter and remind him of the > question they > had asked when first entering Heaven. Suddenly a sparkling > white dove > lands on St. Peter's shoulder. there is a note, glistening > with gold dust, > in > the dove's beak. "This must be the answer from the Boss, let's > see what it > says." He opens the note, trumpets blare, gold dust drifts > into the air, > harps play crescendos, and St. Peter reads aloud to the > servicemen. > > MEMORANDUM: FROM THE DESK OF THE ALMIGHTY. > > TO: Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines. > > SUBJ: WHICH MILITARY SERVICE IS BEST. > > Gentlemen, all branches of the United States Armed Forces are > honorable > and noble. Each serves America well and with distinction. > Being servicemen > in > the United States Military represents a special calling > warranting special > respect, tribute and dedication. Be proud of that. > > Sincerely, > GOD, USMC (Ret.) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nesher 629 Posted August 15, 2004 > Sincerely,> GOD, USMC (Ret.) hehe i'm familiar with that joke i think Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Fates 63 Posted August 16, 2004 "Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave." "Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
