a good laugh! y'all are gonna love this one!

[vercingetorix 0]

French Army to Market "Ultimate Surrender" Video Game

Paris, France:

 

Inspired by the commercial success of the United States Army's "Boot

Camp" video game, the General Staff of the French Army has announced

plans to market "Ultimate Surrender," a video game based upon the

proud

military traditions of the Gauls. In this game, we follow the exploits

of Lucky Pierre, an apprentice garlic salesman from Marseilles, as he

joins the French Army and begins a rigorous course of combat training.

 

* The First Level of the game is called "Survival School," and the

players have to help Lucky Pierre survive 24 hours without red wine or

creme brule'.

 

* The Second Level is "Capitulation," and the goal here is to see

which

player can have Lucky Pierre surrender the fastest without firing a shot

or getting his uniform dirty.

 

* Level Three is "Collaboration." Here the players battle to see who

can collect the largest numbers of pairs of nylon stockings and packages

of chocolates by having Lucky Pierre curry favor with members of the

occupying forces.

 

* Level Four is "Be Ungrateful to America for Rescuing France Once

Again." In this extremely challenging part of the game contestants vie

with one another to see who can make Lucky Pierre behave in the surliest

manner when the United States inevitably comes to the rescue of the

defeated French.

 

* The Final Level is "Pretending to Have Been in the Resistance."

Here

contestants compete in a battle of tall tales and whoppers as they try

to protect Lucky Pierre from treason charges.

 

Marketing tests show that "Ultimate Surrender" is a big hit with

French

teenagers and young adults who are too young to have experienced

France's lightening surrender to the Germans in 1940 or its defeat by

the Vietnamese in 1954 at Dien Bien Phu or President De Gaul's surrender

of French Algeria after the Foreign Legion had actually defeated the

enemy there. "Zees is a great tool to inspire ze patriotism in ze

youths, n'est ce pas?" said General Jean-Jacques Loseur,

Commander-in-Chief of the French Army, during his weekly press

conference. "Since ze end of ze Cold War we French have not had many

opportunities to surrender or to show great cowardice in the face

of much weaker opponents." When questioned about comments made in the

French Chamber of Deputies that "Ultimate Surrender" makes the French

Army look

like a bunch of gutless mama's boys, General Loseur pulled out a white

handkerchief, put his hands over his head and said, "Oh heck, I give

up."

 

 

 

"Why are the French justifiably proud of the Great French Nation?"

1. Because their greatest king -- Charlemagne -- was German.

2. Because their greatest general -- Napoleon -- was Corsican.

3. Because their greatest hero -- Joan of Arc -- was a woman.

 

"Why is Champs Elysee so wide?"

-- Because German soldiers like to march in company width.

 

"Why does the Champs Elysee have trees planted along side?"

-- Because German soldiers like to march in the shade.

 

"Why do the French have so many toll booths on their freeways?"

-- To slow down German tanks.

 

 

NOTE: I have an image that goes with this if some kind 'non-french soul' would tell me how to!

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

 

 

-Vercingetorix

[vercingetorix 0]

A funny thing happened to me yesterday at Camp Bondsteel (Bosnia):

A

> > French

> > > army officer walked up to me in the PX, and told me he thought we

> > > (Americans) were a bunch of cowboys and were going to provoke a

war.

> > >

> > > He said if such a thing happens, we wouldn't be able to count on

the

> > support

> > > of France.

> > >

> > > I told him that such a position didn't surprise me. Since we had

come

to

> > > their rescue in World War I, World War II, Vietnam, and the Cold

War,

> > their

> > > ingratitude and jealousy was due to surface at some point in the

near

> > future

> > > anyway. That is why France is a third-rate military power with a

> socialist

> > > economy and generally a bunch of faggots for soldiers.

> > >

> > > I additionally told him that America, being a nation of deeds and

> action,

> > > not words, would do whatever it had to do, and France's support

was

only

> > for

> > > show anyway. Just like in all NATO exercises, the US would

shoulder

85%

> of

> > > the burden, as evidenced by the fact that the French officer was

> shopping

> > in

> > > the American PX, and not the other way around.

> > >

> > > He began to get very belligerent at that point, so I told him if

he

> would

> > > like to, I would meet him outside and kick his ass in front of the

> entire

> > > Multi-National Brigade East, thus demonstrating that even the

smallest

> > > American has bigger balls than the average Frenchman.

> > >

> > > He called me a barbarian cowboy and walked away in a huff.

> > >

> > > With friends like these, who needs enemies?

> > >

> > > Mary Beth J*********n, 5' 3", 105lbs (soaking wet)

> > >

> > > Lieutenant Colonel, US Army

> >

> >

 

 

 

Kinda brings a lump to your throat! :)

 

 

-Vercingetorix

[Guest Ranger332]

having worked with French Commandos,and attended the Commando school, At lest on the Commando level I find your both very wrong.

and in WW2 rember the Restance lead most the the ground troops to there objectives during D-day.,as they did for the 82nd Airborne during the gulf war in fact 82nd had to get rides from the French to even get to there objectives. In mid-January, after the Air War had begun, the 82nd Airborne Division displaced nearly 650 miles to the northwest near the Iraqi border in preparation for the commencement of the ground war. On February 22, elements of the Division along with soldiers of the 6th French Light Armored Division began their drive into Iraq.82Abn was "given several compenies of trucks by the French for the Assault into Iraq.(82nd did not jump into Iraq they followed French light tanks in French light,and medium trucks. as in that sector the French were short of Infanrty as they were looking for scuds,and 82nd had no means to get in the fight) And less we forget the Legion. After having to personelly put a boot in fellow Americans butts to get them out of the safety of a hole in combat I have found All countries have Heros , and all have cowards.but in the end its the common Soldier the makes the fight neather hero nor coward just a person trying to get back home.

[vercingetorix 0]

Ranger Ranger Ranger,

 

Try not to get your shorts in a snit, it is ment as a joke and a joke only,

not a reflection of anyone. have fun and try not to be too thin skinned! :)

 

 

-vercingetorix

[MadJeff 3]

Since this wasn't really LOMAC-related I moved it here...

[vercingetorix 0]

Sorry cant Seem to read at 2early am

 

 

well it seems that it was a joke that fell flat anyway! no loss :twisted:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-Vercingetorix

[+pcpilot 181]

Actually, I found it rather amusing, espesially the exchange in the PX...hehehe.

[Guest PhantomWarrior]

Ranger Ranger Ranger,

 

Try not to get your shorts in a snit, it is ment as a joke and a joke only,

not a reflection of anyone. have fun and try not to be too thin skinned

 

rember this is an international forum,and not a closed board,I happened to have 1 French and 1 Panamanian exchange student over at the time. they found no humor in it.

[vercingetorix 0]

Mi culpa Mi culpa!

 

Ok folks my choice of funnies hit a low for me, picking on the French (even though I use a French moniker for the game and boards) but this is neither here no there, please let me apologize to those who were offended but this bit of levity and my poor choice of posting. I shall endeavor to go off and sin no more! :roll:

 

 

Vercingetorix

 

 

(No relation to Trent Lott!)

[*Fast Eagle* 0]

funny thing happened to me yesterday at Camp Bondsteel (Bosnia):  

A  

> > French  

> > > army officer walked up to me in the PX, and told me he thought we  

> > > (Americans) were a bunch of cowboys and were going to provoke a  

war.  

> > >  

> > > He said if such a thing happens, we wouldn't be able to count on  

the  

> > support  

> > > of France.  

> > >  

> > > I told him that such a position didn't surprise me. Since we had  

come  

to  

> > > their rescue in World War I, World War II, Vietnam, and the Cold  

War,  

> > their  

> > > ingratitude and jealousy was due to surface at some point in the  

near  

> > future  

> > > anyway. That is why France is a third-rate military power with a  

> socialist  

> > > economy and generally a bunch of faggots for soldiers.  

> > >  

> > > I additionally told him that America, being a nation of deeds and  

> action,  

> > > not words, would do whatever it had to do, and France's support  

was  

only  

> > for  

> > > show anyway. Just like in all NATO exercises, the US would  

shoulder  

85%  

> of  

> > > the burden, as evidenced by the fact that the French officer was  

> shopping  

> > in  

> > > the American PX, and not the other way around.  

> > >  

> > > He began to get very belligerent at that point, so I told him if  

he  

> would  

> > > like to, I would meet him outside and kick his ass in front of the  

> entire  

> > > Multi-National Brigade East, thus demonstrating that even the  

smallest  

> > > American has bigger balls than the average Frenchman.  

> > >  

> > > He called me a barbarian cowboy and walked away in a huff.  

> > >  

> > > With friends like these, who needs enemies?  

> > >  

> > > Mary Beth J*********n, 5' 3", 105lbs (soaking wet)  

> > >  

> > > Lieutenant Colonel, US Army

 

Funny thing is, I heard this same story but the BIQ (B!tch in question)

was a marine LTC not Army, abut a month and a half ago.

And honestly I don't think that a respectable officer would tell off a foreign officer and blatantly write about it and still have a career.

Multi-nationalisim is a big deal to the pussy footers who run this country. In todays day and age, stuff like that don't really happen anymore. We are required to have some kind of Coalition, we can never act on our own anymore.

And on another note, I wonder if she knew that if it were not for the French we might very well have lost the Revoloution against Brittian, as they had our coast surrounded and if it weren't for their (French) navy the Brits would have landed mass troops and held our ports at bay for as long as they could. Surely they teach about this at the military academy or whatever branch of service this stupid woman is claimed to be attached to.

 

Although I do see the humor put forth, in reality this is nothing but racisim.

If we were to think of everyone we have aided throughout our history as incompetent cowards, we would have no allies. Just because some nation is very pompus and self rightous, and lets not forget RUN BY HUMANS, doesn't mean that they are the cowards or the enemy. I have served in the company of the French while in the Navy. Arrogant they were, cowards they were not. I watched 15 out of 17 stick out BUD/s (SEAL training) while 2/3rds of the americans couldn't take it. 15 men took the worst (hardest) training course in the world and made it. Out of the 142 men that started that course 17 were french, 67 graduated, 15 were french. This tells me that the French had more heart and balls than we did that training cycle. So please don't judge a nation on the heels of a leader they had some 50 years ago

[MadJeff 3]

Per Vercingetorix's request, I am locking this thread. He actually requested that I delete the thread, but I save deletions for the absolute last resort. I'm a little disappointed I have to do this, as it's the first locked thread on the forum.

 

Vercingetorix has apologized, let's leave it at that.

 

On a more personal note, I personally found the post humorous, but I realize it's a joke, nothing more. I also realize that it is a generalization, and not every individual or even the majority of the (insert race here) is reflected in the joke. Have we got to the the point that we are all so politically correct that humor itself is frowned upon because every joke is going to offend someone? Sorry, getting on a soapbox here, but the whole PC thing is a pet peeve of mine.

 

Anyway, let's move on. :D