Capitaine Vengeur 263 Posted November 23, 2010 (edited) Feeling miserable, Part One : Burt Crappy enjoys chili, at best with as many onions and red beans as possible. He has allowed himself such a rich dish for lunch, as after all, it's his birthday today. But as one could expect, his digestion that afternoon is above complex, and on his way home this evening, his car indoors is stinking like a tropical tripe shop. He wonders how he will manage that, as his wife has most probably planned something for his birthday. Fortunately, she's got a cold, and can't smell much. Actually, at home, his excited wife doesn't let him in before having masked his eyes under a scarf. Then, she drives him in the middle of the living-room, and lets him standing right there. - Wait for a moment, Burt Darling, she says. Something to do in the kitchen and I'm coming back... Not seeing anything, but hearing the kitchen's door closing, Burt thinks: - Well, now I can relieve my belly a little... Just a little... God, it hurts! And Burt lets some poisoned air out, ventilating the room in the best way he can while blinded, hoping his wife won't notice. Some minutes later, Mrs Crappy comes back: - And now, Darling, I'm going to remove this scarf... Oh no wait. The phone is ringing in the bedroom. I'm coming back in a moment. The bedroom is upstairs, and Burt knows that his wife will stay there for a while. She didn't notice anything the previous time, so he feels allowed to unleash the Hell burning inside him. Some five-megatons explosions later, Mrs Crappy comes back into the living-room and takes the scarf off. - Surprise! And then, Burt Crappy can see thirty of his friends and relatives crowded in the room, holding their noses while singing: - Gnhappy birthgnday to gnyou!... Gnhappy birthgnday to gnyou!... * * * * * * * * * * Feeling miserable, Part Two : A young man meets for the first time his fiancée's parents. But his latest lunch has been a mistake, and his belly hurts. While discussing with his possible future mother-in-law, he feels that he won't be able to hold on for long the fart he is about to release. He finally let it go, as silent as possible. The mother shouts: - Toby ! The young man looks behind him, and sees the local puffing fat bulldog standing right here, very close to his bum. Thanking Heaven for the misunderstanding, he carries on the discussion. A moment later, he is forced to let another fart out, something more loudly. The mother shouts again: - Oh Toby ! Move out ! Completely reassured, the young man decides to relieve his belly, and allows himself a six-seconds-long rumble. And then, the mother shouts in panic: - Toby !! Come here at once, or this young bastard will finally s**t on you ! * * * * * * * * * * Feeling miserable, Part Three : During the Middle Ages, a copyist monk is preparing a splendid illumination on a new page of first-class vellum, to start a sacred text: a capital S decorated with angels, unicorns, shells, a dragoon, a divine sword, and a rain of gold. The monk seems very proud as one one of his young brothers stares for a while at his almost finished work. The young novice finally talks to his elder: - Most humbly, I beg your pardon, my dear Brother Heedlessius. But I am almost certain that “Psalm” begins with a P... Edited November 23, 2010 by Capitaine Vengeur Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
