The Lone Wolf

[Olham 164]

Oh, I only saw it now, that you really posted the poem of Magee, Dej.

 

Wow - yes, that has a flow. And now I see what you meant about the line with "god".

It seems to come to mind easily, when you are flying.

I have once flown a sailplane for a bit of the way, and was even allowed to fly a few circles

(he wouldn't allow me a looping) and it was an extraordinary feeling; totally different from

travelling in a jet airliner; and when my wide turn led my face into the sun, I felt that line

I have written - like Magee must have felt it; it was an easyness, that I never wanted to

land again.

Edited March 22, 2010 by Olham

[catch 81]

My contribution to high class literature ....

 

There once was an RFC stunt

Where the chap in the kite did a bunt

The top wing blew off

from water logged cloth

And they called him a luckless old chap

 

I'm still working on the last bit ....

[Olham 164]

A good one, Catch!

Hmm, what would rhyme better in the last line, let me think...

I like "Limericks", but only know one in German.

Here it is anyway:

 

Ein Knabe auf den Azoren

wurde ganz ohne Nase geboren

Das war zwar ein Graus

doch die Natur glich ihn aus

und schuf ihn auch ganz ohne Ohren

 

Translated, the meaning is:

 

A little boy on the Azores

was born all without a nose

Now this was a horror

but nature compensated it

and also made him without ears

[Duce Lewis 3]

Here's my effort

 

Destiny

 

There once was a lad in Flanders

Who despaired his life in the mud

Looking to the sky

He saw no reason why

A transfer could not be arranged

 

Documents were soon attained

The Major he sought in the muck

The request was made

And soon he was bade

All success in the upper reaches

 

To training he marched off

Now soaring far above the mire

He was no fool

Tops in his school

Shiny wings now on his chest

 

He roared into the fight

Twisting and turning he soared

But his foe was an ace

And he lost the chase

To plunge back deep in the mud

Edited March 26, 2010 by Duce Lewis

[Ras 0]

I like it Duce. It sounds like a short career indeed.

[Olham 164]

Looks almost like the Limerick verse form - but somehow

you have outmaneuvered the rhyming of the first and last line?

 

(Which is really tough to do - what may rhyme on "Flanders"?)

[Dej 17]

Looks almost like the Limerick verse form - but somehow

you have outmaneuvered the rhyming of the first and last line?

 

(Which is really tough to do - what may rhyme on "Flanders"?)

 

Well, 'slanders', off the top of my head, but an assonance would suffice. Besides, it's an ABCCD rhyme scheme not ABCCA, so not needed.

[Olham 164]

Really? The German Limericks I know are rhymed AABBA (which is really difficult to find rhymes for).

But then they are rather German than Limerick, of course.

 

Sorry, Duce - I did you wrong then.

Edited March 24, 2010 by Olham

[Dej 17]

Ah no, I didn't mean limericks weren't AABBA, 'cos they are. Rather I didn't think Duce's poem was meant to be one.

[Duce Lewis 3]

Ras: "I like it Duce. It sounds like a short career indeed"

Thanks Ras, inspired by the majority of my pilots in OFF

 

Thanks Olham/Dej, it was just a short li'l 'tongue in cheek' story

You both are right, limericks are tough, but there are other ryhme schemes

It reads best if you read the 1st two lines of each stanza, pause briefly, and then quickly read the last 3

 

I also wanted to emphasize the muddiness of the trenches and our poor lad's futile attempt to put them in his past

I tried tp have 1 reference to the mud in each stanza

There are 2 lines I'm still not happy with

And to the Major he slid on

"slid" doesn't convey that muddy thought

 

Twisting and turning he flew

"flew" just doesn't read well

 

If you kind gents have any suggestions, I'd be happy to update

Edited March 25, 2010 by Duce Lewis

[Olham 164]

Hihih - poet's meeting here. It's fun.

 

I like the "slid", as you are sliding through the mud.

I'd only change the last line to close the circle more, perhaps like:

 

To plunge back again deep in the mud

[Duce Lewis 3]

I updated all 3 lines

[Dej 17]

Last touch Duce, I'd suggest 'his foe was an ace' rather than what you have.

[Duce Lewis 3]

Last touch Duce, I'd suggest 'his foe was an ace' rather than what you have.

Done, it does add alittle better definition

[Olham 164]

Hey, this is become the "Homebrew Poet's Little Workshop" here, isn't it?

 

[Duce Lewis 3]

Hey, this is become the "Homebrew Poet's Little Workshop " here, isn't it?

 

I guess that would make it Bullethead's turn next then huh?

[Olham 164]