Bullwinkles Weekend Safety Brief for this Glorious Holiday Weekend

[+Dave 2,322]

 

Bring it in. Take a knee.

 

Meach, the Side-Straddle Hop – go.

 

We are right now staring down the barrel of a four-day weekend. Most of you are going to who the hell cares where, to spend the holiday with people who don't hate you. While you are gone, surrounded by soft, squishy civilians who wouldn't know a bayonet from a baby seal, you may be tempted to soften a little, to entertain the idea that your opinions have value, that you can cram all the pie in creation down your face hole....

 

Go ahead.

 

Join your squishy friends and family in being useless boils on the backside of this great nation. Bring your wobbly, fat ass and opinions right back here for some quality time. I will run you 'til you've puked up every last deviled egg and marshmallow, 'til your every breath takes life and death focus, leaving your new-found opinions a hazy memory of some other existence.

 

Meach, I can see you, Shitknuckle. Don't cheat your body.

 

Go, enjoy your Thanksgiving. Those of you who failed to submit a pass request form will be staying within growling distance of Yours Truly. I intend to spend this holiday locating good places to dig deep holes in the back forty. I suspect I'll be able to accommodate at least five sorry pieces of shit out there. Make sure you aren't one of them. If I have to pick you up from the local lockup, I'll give you a tour of the new holes-to-be on the way back. I'll even show you my favorite shovel.

 

Also, it's getting cold, and the roads are getting icy. Plan accordingly. If you die of hypothermia this weekend, I'll make sure your hometown newspaper hears that you died of auto-erotic asphyxiation while jerking off to The View.

While you are out not getting arrested, not building bonfires on the parade field, and not getting married, I want you to remember the Five Ds:

1. Don't do dudes.
2. Don't do dudes' wives.
3. Don't do drugs.
4. Don't drink and drive.
5. Don't beat your wife.

Meach, recover.

Drink water.

Now, get the hell out of my AO!

[+CrazyhorseB34 937]

I miss being a Platoon Sergeant. That is such an accurate representation of a real weekend safety brief, it is almost surreal. God bless the USA.