Rules of the Air

[Stick 773]

 

 

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

 

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull

the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling

the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

 

3. Flying isn't dangerous. Crashing is what's dangerous.

 

4. It's always better to be down here wishing you were up there than

up there wishing you were down here.

 

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

 

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep

the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot starts

sweating.

 

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No-one has ever collided

with the sky.

 

8. A 'good' landing is one from which you can walk away. A 'great'

landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

 

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to

make all of them yourself.

 

10. You know you've landed with the wheels up if it takes full power

to taxi to the ramp.

 

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle

of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and

vice versa.

 

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn't get to

five minutes earlier.

 

12a. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking

about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction.

Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide

out in clouds.

 

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the

number of take offs you've made.

 

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing.

Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

 

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience.

The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of

luck.

 

17. Helicopters can't fly; they're just so ugly the earth repels them.

 

18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round

and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger

compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

 

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going

hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour,

the ground has yet to lose.

 

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience

usually comes from bad judgment.

 

21. It's always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as

much as possible.

 

22. Keep looking around. There's always something you've missed.

 

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It's the law. And it's

not subject to repeal.

 

24. The three most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above

you, runway behind you and a tenth of a second ago.

 

25. You know you are a freight pilot when:

 

1) On the tarmac, the ground personnel rolls the red carpet AWAY from

your plane ;

 

2) The plane you are flying was getting old when you were born ;

 

3) You haven't done a daylight landing for 6 months ;

 

4) The ATC tells you there is smoother air at another FL and you don't care ;

 

5) You call for transportation to the hotel and they can't find you on the airport ;

 

6) Your uniform has not been ironed for two weeks and nobody cares ;

 

7) You fly through a terrible storm and you can hear the thunder (instead of the passengers!);

 

8) You have to get your own coffee ;

 

9) Nobody is afraid when you use the toilet ;

 

10) Upon approaching, you call ATC and decline your company's name and ATC replies "Who?"

[Stick 773]

And then some more snippets

 

Pilot thoughts:

• The most plausible scientific theory is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline baggage.
• An old pilot is one who can remember when flying was dangerous and sex was safe.
• Both optimists and pessimists contribute to the society. The optimist invents the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute.
• Airlines have really changed, now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.
• If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage/ classic helicopter fly-ins.
• Real planes use only a single stick to fly. This is why bulldozers & helicopters -- in that order -- need two.'
• There are only three things a copilot should ever say:

1. Nice landing, Sir.

2. I'll buy the first round.

3. I'll take the ugly one!

• There are only three things a wingman should ever say:

1. Two is up.

2. Lead you are on fire.

3. I'll take the fat chick.

• As a pilot, only two bad things can happen to you and one of them will.

a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight.

b. One day you will walk out to the aircraft not knowing that it is your last flight.

 

There are Rules and there are Laws. The Rules are made by men who think that they know how to fly your airplane better than you. Laws (of Physics) are made by the Great One. You can, and sometimes should, suspend the Rules but you can never suspend the Laws.

About Rules:

a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea and the talent to execute it.

b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance. (e.g., If you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge).

• The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness.
• To become a jet pilot, one must be an egomaniac with low self esteem.
• The medical profession is the natural enemy of the aviation profession.
• Ever notice that the only experts who decree that the age of the pilot is over are people who have never flown anything? Also, in spite of the intensity of their feelings that the pilot's day is over I know of no expert who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted aircraft.
• Before each flight, make sure that your bladder is empty and your fuel tanks are full!
• He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he that demands one iota more is a fool.
• There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night, over water or rugged terrain.
• The aircraft limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular aircraft. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no limits.
• Flying is a great way of life for men who want to feel like boys, but not for those who still are.
• Flying is a hard way to earn an easy living.
• Forget all that stuff about lift, gravity, thrust and drag. An airplane flies because of money. If God had meant man to fly, He'd have given him more money.
• Hopefully a pilot never runs out of airspeed, altitude, and ideas all at the same time!!!
• 'If the Wright brothers were alive today Wilbur would have to fire Orville to reduce costs.' --President of DELTA Airlines.
• In the Alaska bush I'd rather have a two hour bladder and three hours of gas than vice versa.
• It's not that all airplane pilots are good-looking. Its Just that good-looking people seem more capable of flying airplanes. Or so seasoned observers contend. A matter of self-confidence? No doubt, no doubt.
• I've flown in both pilot seats; can someone tell me why the other one is always occupied by an idiot?
• Son, you're going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. You can't do both.
• You define a good flight by negatives: you didn't get hijacked, you didn't crash, you didn't throw up, you weren't late, and you weren't nauseated by the food. So you're grateful.
• New FAA Motto: We're not happy, till you're not happy.

Edited August 27, 2009 by Stick

[Nesher 629]

great ruels ROFL :)

 

didn't finish the second post... hard to read after a day in the pool :))