Erik

A man went to a medical specialist to have his penis enlarged. Well, this particular procedure involved splicing a baby elephant's trunk onto the man's penis. Overjoyed, the man went out with his best girl to a very fancy restaurant. After cocktails, the man's penis crept out of his pants, felt around the table, grabbed a hard roll and quickly disappeared under the tablecloth. The girl was startled and exclaimed, "What was that?". Suddenly the penis came back, took another hard roll and just as quickly disappeared. The girl was silent for a moment, then finally said, "I don't believe I saw what I think I just saw... can you do that again?" With a bit of an uncomfortable smile the man replied, "Honey, I'd like to, but I don't think my ass can take another hard roll!"

No sir, not on my watch.

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they actually worked.

Jug you hold the light at the end of the tunnel. I think you're paid up through 2016 not counting this post above, I keep extending your subscription as you donate but somehow it's not enough. I need to create a new membership account available by invitation only called the "Lifetime Member" I think it's well deserved for you at this point. I can't give you enough kudos or shower you with enough appreciation, so I'll humbly say thank you, and move on. Look for the account change sometime soon, it's going to need a member icon and setting up, but I'll get to it asap.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

What’s the difference between a paycheck and a pen*s? You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.

Early mornings are great for spending time with the family. Then they spoil it by waking up.

I asked my wife to let me know the next time she has an orgasm but she said that she doesn't like to call me at work.