In advance of Burns night...

[Slartibartfast 153]

President Barack Obama is visiting a Glasgow hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness,

 

He greets one and the patient replies:

 

Fair fa your honest sonsie face,

Great chieftain o the puddin race,

Aboon them a ye take yer place,

Painch, tripe or thairm,

As langs my airm.

 

Obama is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient.

 

The next patient responds:

 

Some hae meat an canna eat,

And some wad eat that want it,

But we hae meat an we can eat,

So let the Lord be thankit.

 

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the President moves onto the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

 

Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty,

O the panic in thy breasty,

Thou needna start awa sae hastie,

Wi bickering brattle

 

Now seriously troubled, Obama turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, "Is this a psychiatric ward?"

 

 

 

 

"No Mr President" replies the doctor, "this is the serious Burns unit."

 

Oldie but still funny...

[Olham 164]

??? ??? Burns night???

[gaw 5]

Robert Burns.......who wrote these classic ditties. Lovely post....Thank You!!!

[RAF_Louvert 101]

.

 

AAAAAAAH HAAA HAAA HAAAAAAAAA!

 

.

[Olham 164]

So you guys understand that? Is it Sco'ish??? We didn't learn that in school.

[Hasse Wind 46]

Is that supposed to be English? What have they done to it?

[Olham 164]

They created lots of versions over the centuries, Hasse Wind - possibly to make the country appear larger?

So, down in London, they spell Birmingham "Burmingham", but in Birmingham, they say "Birmingim".

And in Scotland - well, that's a different story again.

Edited January 7, 2011 by Olham

[carrick58 23]

There was a Burn story that was told by one of the men involved in the Water Gate fiasco during the Nixon era in the U.S. A young Marine was brought in to the serious Burn ward in a Washington Hospital. The Military Ward was well known for people complaining about treatment and food All through his painful operations and aid administrations he would never yell where others before would scream. All the patients in the Ward stopped complaining and whining about their treatments I think its a classic example of " I used to complain about my shoes till I met a man with No Feet."

[Olham 164]

Ah, I see, thank you, Carrick. Still, it would be helpful, if the text of the rhymes was in English.

Edited January 7, 2011 by Olham

[Flyby PC 23]

For the benefit of those who don't understand -

 

The first one is about a haggis pudding, and nowadays, it's said to address the haggis before you cut into it at a Burns supper. .

 

Fair fa your honest sonsie face,

Fair falls your honest cheeky/familiar face, - It means the sight of a haggis is a great thing to see - a pleasure to the eye.

Great chieftain o the puddin race,

The very best of all puddings,

 

Aboon them a ye take yer place,

Above them all you take your place,

 

Painch, tripe or thairm,

-different varieties of pudding,

 

As langs my airm.

By a long way.

 

 

 

The next is the Selkirk Grace. - Just a routine grace before a meal.

Some hae meat an canna eat,

Some have meat but dont want to eat ,

And some wad eat that want it,

And some want to eat but have no meat.

 

But we hae meat an we can eat,

But we have meat, and we're about to eat,

 

So let the Lord be thankit.

So let us thank the Lord.

 

 

 

 

The third is a poem about a mouse running away.

 

Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty,

Small, sneaky, fearful and timid beast,

 

O the panic in thy breasty,

Oh how terrified you look,

 

Thou needna start awa sae hastie,

You don't need to run away so quickly,

 

Wi bickering brattle

Hmmm, bit tricky, - With an anxious clatter?

 

 

This is old scots. From Robert Burns Address to a Haggis, the Selkirk Grace, and Ode to a mouse. If I remember right. The blue is not a direct translation as such, but hopefully you'll get the meaning.

 

It's written how it's spoken. I take a guess if you heard the words rather than read them it would be easier to understand, but then again there are old words here and there which aren't commonly used nowadays and they would throw you. Like brattle. Nobody uses that word nowadays, and out of context, I wouldn't know what it meant either. In this context, it's the scurrying sound a mouse makes running away. Knowing the context helps a lot. Germans should be ok though. Auld scots and German have a lot of words with common roots - like Kirk for church. (Don't make me spell the German word for church....) It's Kirch or something isn't it?

Edited January 7, 2011 by Flyby PC

[Olham 164]

"Brattle" might be "trippeln" in German - a tiny sound made by small feet.

 

Thank you for explaining and translating, Flyby - now I know what the "Burns" is about

(I'm a barbarian not to know him, I suppose - sorry).

[Hasse Wind 46]

You're not the only barbarian, Olham. I'm one of them too. Now where's Conan?

 

Thanks a lot for the translation, Flyby. They didn't teach that kind of English to us at school!

 

By the way, church is Kirche in German.

[Olham 164]

Okay then - I have checked Wikipedia about him, and here is: Robeeeeeeeeeert Buuuuuuuuuuuurns!

And the Haggis poem too.

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burns_supper

[Flyby PC 23]

If you were hearing or singing 'Auld Lang Syne' at Hogmanay, then you're closer to Burns than you think because he's the man who wrote it.

 

My favourite poem is Tam o' Shanter. I'd recommend it, but you may not get very far. It'll be hard going with the same kind of auld scots language.

 

Tam heads home from the pub one night, and witnesses a supernatural dance in a churchyard where the church itself is ablaze. He watches a while, get's a bit carried away, and draws too much attention to himself. He suddenly has to take flight to escape the witches and warlocks on his horse Meg, and race to cross a bridge nearby, because witches can't cross running water. It's such a chase and close run escape that his horse loses it's tail as he just makes the bridge in time. Gripping stuff, not least because it was written in 1790.

 

Give it a go by all means, but you have been warned....

Edited January 8, 2011 by Flyby PC

[Olham 164]

It is great - and so I'l provide the poem incl. a translation here:

 

http://www.robertburns.org.uk/Assets/Poems_Songs/tamoshanter.htm

[Tripe & Flaming Onions 0]

Thanks for that, got a laugh down here in Aussie

 

Had some Haggis (not the full on version because of health regulations,unfortunately) in Dunedin in New Zealand with the full ceremony ie. piped in and the ode read.

 

Would love to pop over for a bit of the real thing one day.

 

Cheers,

 

T&FO.

 

PS . Must check ebay for tinned haggis

Edited January 8, 2011 by Tripe & Flaming Onions

[Flyby PC 23]

You'd be surprised because some tinned haggis is quite good, but with the spices toned down a bit as supermarkets are prone to do, but it can be ok. I've never quite understood why haggis should create the problems it evidently does at customs. If you can import sausages or black pudding, what's the big deal about haggis? What are the fines like for haggis smuggling down under? Not as painful as hiding the haggis eh?

 

Might be easier to smuggle in a Scottish butcher and torture him for his secrets.

 

Shouldn't be hard. The Aussies have already started torturing the whole of Scotland by letting England win the ashes. Yeah, thanks for that Australia....

[Olham 164]

 

Had some Haggis (not the full on version because of health regulations,unfortunately)

 

I didn't know it was so dangerous!

[Flyby PC 23]

I didn't know it was so dangerous!

 

 

Once you've cut his tusks off a haggis is virtually harmless.

[Slartibartfast 153]

There is a traditional Scottish answer to the question "What is a haggis?" This answer suggests that a haggis is a small four legged creature found in the Highlands of Scotland. The legs on one side of the creature are smaller than those on the other, which means that it can run around the side of hills easily at a level altitude: but it does mean that the haggis can easily be caught by running round the hill in the opposite direction, for the creature cannot turn round to escape. If it did so the difference in the length of its legs would cause it to lose stability and roll downhill, with fatal consequences.

[Olham 164]

Once the Scots had learned that, they found hunting rather easy, I suppose!

 

It looks rather - interesting!

 

 

[RAF_Louvert 101]

.

 

mmmmmmmm...haggis. Drop a side of bashed neeps and tatties next it along with a couple pints of Ben Nevis and you've a proper meal.

 

.

[Hasse Wind 46]

I always try to keep an open mind when dealing with unfamiliar food. Looks can be deceiving. I've never had an opportunity to eat haggis, so I really can't say anything about its taste. Maybe it's really good at deceiving.

[Olham 164]

I'm sure it is - the Scotch can't be that different from the rest of us, can they? (Although - they sometimes wear skirts...?)

 

In Germany, we have a meal called "Pfälzer Saumagen", which is meat and vegetable stuffed into and stewed in

the stomach of a sow. Our former chancellor Helmut Kohl loved it.

I haven't been to the Pfalz yet, but would try it; no problem.

 

 

[Hasse Wind 46]

Well, Herr Kohl seems to like any food. Not exactly a small man, in any sense of the word.