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fallenphoenix1986

Longshanks

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Edward Longshanks (Edward I of England) travels North to conquer the Scots, and he brings 4,000 men with him.

As he nears the battlefield, suddenly there appears a solitary figure on the crest of the hill. It is a short, ginger-haired man in a kilt. "Hammer o' the Scots?" He yells! . "Come up here, ya English fools, and I'll give ye a hammerin'!"

 

Edward turns to his commander. "Send 20 men to deal with that upstart, there's a good chap!", he says.

 

The commander sends twenty of his best men over the hill to kill the Scotsman.

 

Ten minutes later, at the crest of the hill, the little Scot appears again. "Ya English Jampots!", he yells. "Come on the rest of ye!! Come on, I'll have ye a'!!!"

 

Edward is now very annoyed. He turns to his commander and says, "Send 100 men to kill that little guttersnipe!"

 

The commander sends a hundred man over the hill to do the job. Ten minutes later, the little Scot appears at the top of the hill once more, his hair all sticking up, his shirt a wee bit torn. "Ya English SCUM!", he yells. "I'm just warming up!! Come and get me, ya English gits!!"

 

Edward losses patience. "Commander, take 400 men and WIPE HIM OFF THE EARTH!", he yells. The commander gulps, but leads four hundred men on horseback over the crest of the hill.

 

Ten minutes later, the little Scotsman is back. His clothing is all torn, his face is covered in blood, gore and Irn-Bru. "Is that the best ye can do??? You're bloody WIMMIN!!! Come on!! Come and have a go ya bunch of Jessies!!!", he yells.

 

Edward turns to his second in command. "Take 1000 men over that hill and don't come back till you've killed him!" he commands. The second in command gathers the men and they ride off over the hill to their fate.

 

Ten minutes later, one of the English troops appears back at the top of the hill. He's covered in blood and his clothes are all torn. "Your Majesty!!" he yells. "It's a trap!!! There's TWO of them!!!

 

 

Craig

Edited by fallenphoenix1986

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