vercingetorix

French Army to Market "Ultimate Surrender" Video Game Paris, France: Inspired by the commercial success of the United States Army's "Boot Camp" video game, the General Staff of the French Army has announced plans to market "Ultimate Surrender," a video game based upon the proud military traditions of the Gauls. In this game, we follow the exploits of Lucky Pierre, an apprentice garlic salesman from Marseilles, as he joins the French Army and begins a rigorous course of combat training. * The First Level of the game is called "Survival School," and the players have to help Lucky Pierre survive 24 hours without red wine or creme brule'. * The Second Level is "Capitulation," and the goal here is to see which player can have Lucky Pierre surrender the fastest without firing a shot or getting his uniform dirty. * Level Three is "Collaboration." Here the players battle to see who can collect the largest numbers of pairs of nylon stockings and packages of chocolates by having Lucky Pierre curry favor with members of the occupying forces. * Level Four is "Be Ungrateful to America for Rescuing France Once Again." In this extremely challenging part of the game contestants vie with one another to see who can make Lucky Pierre behave in the surliest manner when the United States inevitably comes to the rescue of the defeated French. * The Final Level is "Pretending to Have Been in the Resistance." Here contestants compete in a battle of tall tales and whoppers as they try to protect Lucky Pierre from treason charges. Marketing tests show that "Ultimate Surrender" is a big hit with French teenagers and young adults who are too young to have experienced France's lightening surrender to the Germans in 1940 or its defeat by the Vietnamese in 1954 at Dien Bien Phu or President De Gaul's surrender of French Algeria after the Foreign Legion had actually defeated the enemy there. "Zees is a great tool to inspire ze patriotism in ze youths, n'est ce pas?" said General Jean-Jacques Loseur, Commander-in-Chief of the French Army, during his weekly press conference. "Since ze end of ze Cold War we French have not had many opportunities to surrender or to show great cowardice in the face of much weaker opponents." When questioned about comments made in the French Chamber of Deputies that "Ultimate Surrender" makes the French Army look like a bunch of gutless mama's boys, General Loseur pulled out a white handkerchief, put his hands over his head and said, "Oh heck, I give up." "Why are the French justifiably proud of the Great French Nation?" 1. Because their greatest king -- Charlemagne -- was German. 2. Because their greatest general -- Napoleon -- was Corsican. 3. Because their greatest hero -- Joan of Arc -- was a woman. "Why is Champs Elysee so wide?" -- Because German soldiers like to march in company width. "Why does the Champs Elysee have trees planted along side?" -- Because German soldiers like to march in the shade. "Why do the French have so many toll booths on their freeways?" -- To slow down German tanks. NOTE: I have an image that goes with this if some kind 'non-french soul' would tell me how to! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D -Vercingetorix

Geesh Ranger! ya' know that somthing is wrong when the admin has LESS POST THAN YOU DO! : :shock: Merry Christmas Everyone! -Vercingetorix

I use the X45 and as for the drivers ...soon soon ( test a few things for SAITEK) I enjoy my stick and thanks to Lord Oliver I have a great Profile for the game , if any one else needs it drop me a line! -Vercingetorix

Very Sharp! -Vercingetorix

Yes I use it, enjoy it also, -Vercingetorix

To Deuces and his team, Many congratulations and kudos’! Your terrain project really helps the game out immensely. And your effort was truly ‘sierra hotel’! -Vercingetorix

I think that you are right pcpilot. I cant wait to see the 106 built, I remember that plane (yah I am a bit old) -vercingetorix

Those look a bit like Vikings? Oh I found this site (when I was hard at work! lol) http://www.globalaircraft.org/home.htm go check it out -Vercingetorix

:shock: Boy this is gonna be real NICE! can't wait to see it in action -Vercingetorix

Column5, Nice Site here! I like the info -Vercingetorix

LO!, toss that profile up to nospurs@hotmail.com, i would love to take a look at it! -Vercingetorix

DK, my hat is off, very nice work sir <S!> I think that you are on the right path on this one. I have most of the non-classfd specs on may of these AC let me know if you need any data that I may have. -Vercingetorix

Ranger, Drop me an email , I have something that may help you with your stick -Vercingetorix

I hope that Hanukkah is included in that or I will never get my patch! LOL! -Vercingetorix

AP WASHINGTON - The Army announced their final operation in Afghanistan, Operation Taliban Eradication. Drawing on National Guard units from the deep-south the Army has assembled a team of Redneck Special Forces. These forces have been given following briefing: The limit is ten. The season ends this weekend. They taste just like chicken. They don't like beer, pickup trucks, or country music. Some are queer. The Army expects this final operation to last about two weeks and to be more successful than Operation Anaconda. -Vercingetorix

Not to be outdone by the military and the Marine Corps (I think that is a branch of the military?! :roll: ) heehee the civilian flight services such as DELTA, (Don't Even Leave The Airport) and others have instituted a defense against terrorism! http://strategypage.com/humor/downloads/PILOTGUNS.mpeg -Vercingetorix (Boy I forgot how much fun it was to irritate Marines! :) just kidding'

Just realizing that 351_Seawolf had already posted this bit of humor and I apparently was suffering from occipital Rectalitis (You eye ending is where your bottom is and you have a Sh*&%y out look for the day!), I thought that I had better post something that HAD NOT been posted before! (Sorry about that Seawolf) How to Tell the Difference Between the Branches of the US Armed Forces! If you give the command "SECURE THE BUILDING", here is what the different services would do: The NAVY would turn out the lights and lock the doors. The ARMY would surround the building with defensive fortifications, tanks and concertina wire. The MARINE CORPS would assault the building, using overlapping fields of fire from all appropriate points on the perimeter. The AIR FORCE would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy the building. -Vercingetroix

Picked this up off of SIMHQ as posted by 531_Wolf....thought we could use it here also! :P Here ya go, enjoy: Blue water Navy truism; There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky. If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe. Navy carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like squatting to pee. When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash. Without ammunition the USAF would be just another expensive flying club. What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, the pilot dies. Never trade luck for skill. The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh S#!+!" Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. Progress in airline flying; now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant. Airspeed, altitude or brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight. A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication. I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous. Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there! Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries. Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding it or doing anything about it. When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten. Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day. Advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.II. When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible. The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you. (Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot) A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum. (Jon McBride, astronaut) If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible. (Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot) If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it; ride the ******* down. (Ernest K. Gann, author & aviator) Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing. (sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location Kadena, Japan). You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3. (Paul F. Crickmore - test pilot) Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime. (Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970). The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time. (Author unknown, but someone who's been there) "Now I know what a dog feels like watching TV." (A DC-9 captain trainee attempting to check out on the 'glass cockpit' of an A-320). If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to. Basic Flying Rules Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there. You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal. -Vercingetroix

LOL! oh boy here we go! :) as for handwashing, I work for the state of South Carolina as a computer Engineer now, I need a shower after these meetings, due to the fact that everyone piss's on everyone else! ah state workers you gotta love em! -Vercingetroix

heeheehee ok now to throw gas on the fire! Y’all do know where the marines got there name? Why that’s the sound a bullet makes as it hits a helmet!...MAAAARRRIINNNE! :P Mud muffin indeed! :twisted: -Vercingetroix!

Hmm....What happened in Korea??? Don't get me started :P OK I can not help myself here what happened? "Harry S Truman" -Vercingetorix C140 on the taxi-wayyyy Airborne Rangers Gonna Jump today!

Being Ex-Army I can only add that Helicopters don’t really fly, They are just so damn ugly that the earth repels them into the sky! -Vercingetroix

LMAO! :D well it sounds good though! -Vercingetorix

Greetings All! I have a quick question concerning the idea of tutorials; would anyone like to have a keyboard template? (Remember those from the good-old-days? :)) I have one that I was working on for a friend (new to flight Sims) and I think that I mentioned to MadJeff the idea. What is everyone’s take on doing this? Let me know -Vercingetroix

PCPilot, I thought that you may like this link, Col. Gabreski was a real Pilots Pilot! http://www.warbirdsresourcegroup.org/URG/gabby.html -Vercingetorix