+Typhoid 231 Posted December 1, 2009 Some old, some new, all funny especially if you've been there..... Short Final March 18, 2007 Overheard in IFR Magazine's "On the Air" Overheard on Pittsburgh (KPIT) Ground working Hooters Air, better known by callsign “Pace,” and a Delta airliner: Pittsburgh Ground: Delta Eleven Twenty, follow Hooters off your left to Runway Two-Eight Right. Delta Eleven Twenty: (in a slow southern drawl) Well, I’ve been doin’ that all my life, and it’s only got me in trouble with the wife. Short Final February 18, 2007 Overheard in Southern Florida: Fort Myers Approach: Cessna Three Four Alpha, say heading.. Cessna: Ah, we're headin' for Tampa. Fort Myers Approach: Cessna Three Four Alpha, say heading.. Cessna: Well, okay, we're headin' for the LaBelle VOR first and then going on to Tampa. Fort Myers Approach: Cessna Three Four Alpha, could you look at your compass and tell me what number is behind the little line? Cessna: Oh...you want to know which way we're going right now. Three five zero, sir. Short Final February 11, 2007 Overheard in IFR Magazine's "On the Air" This comes from a search and rescue pilot at Canadian Forces Base in Bagotville, Quebec. It happened late one night during bad weather, as heard over the tower radio: Helicopter pilot: Roger, I'm holding at 3,000 feet over the beacon. Second voice: (Panic in voice) No, you can't be doing that..I'm holding at 3,000 feet over that beacon. Helicopter pilot: (Short pause) You idiot, you're my copilot. Short Final December 4, 2006 Overheard while flying practice approaches at Sioux City, Iowa: Tower: "Skylane Eight Seven Charlie, cleared for the approach; caution, waterfall in the area." Short silence, presumably while the Skylane pilot questioned passengers on the transmission. Skylane: "Eight Seven Charlie, say again?" Tower: "Skylane Eight Seven Charlie, cleared for the approach; caution, waterfall in the area." Again, short silence. Skylane: "Ah, cleared for the approach, but what do you mean by the waterfall caution?" Tower: "Waterfall, you know: Ducks and geese...Waterfowl." Short Final July 17, 2006 Seeing is believing... Overheard while in the pattern at FNT: Tower: N12345 traffic at your one o'clock. N12345: Looking for traffic.. [long pause...] Tower: N12345 traffic now ... your traffic at three o'clock. N12345: Still looking. I only see birds over there. Tower: Well, look close. One of them has a transponder in it. Short Final... May 22, 2006 There's a club for that, too... An exchange overheard between an Australian charter company and ATC. The company was in mid-April flying a DC-3 carrying a wedding party at 2000 feet over Sydney harbour while the nuptials took place. The flight's pilot made sure ATC was aware and ready to coordinate a return to the airport.... DC-3: .and, Sydney, we'll soon be finished with the ceremony and looking for a higher altitude for the return. [soon after] DC-3: ...So that's it. He does, she does, and that much is done. ATC: Very well. [pause] You're cleared for the return at 5280 feet. (Laughing) And tell them to make it snappy. Short Final... May 1, 2006 Oh, the years gone by... Many years ago when I was a student pilot flying a C-120, (if you can remember when flight schools used C-120s, you may be older than I am), I groundlooped in front of the tower at BFI. Here's the exchange, as I remember it: Tower: Cessna triple 7, are you experiencing difficulties? Me: No. (pause) ...not now that I've got the sonofa**** stopped. Tower: [Through laughter] Triple seven, taxi to the ramp. Short Final... April 2, 2006 Overheard while being vectored to the ILS 10 at KMSY the other day: Approach: Jet 123, maintain 9,000. Jet 123: Um, ok, we're gonna go through it. Approach: That's ok, climb and maintain 10,000. Jet 123: Uh, we're on our way back down to 9,000, now. Approach: Well, 10 is available, you're welcome to climb and maintain 10,000. Jet 123: Why are you doing this to us? Approach: Well, I'm trying to separate you from traffic behind you, if that's OK. Jet 123: That's fine, but we just zero-g'd an aircraft with a US Senator aboard. We'd rather not squash him, now. [pause] Approach: If I'd known that, I'd have sent you back down to 5,000 first. Short Final... February 19, 2006 While doing some work, heard the following exchange on Kennedy Tower freq: Twr: Cactus 51, turn right zulu and golf, hold behind the plane that's stopped to recycle. Cactus 51: Cactus 51 we'll make the right zulu and golf, behind the recycled airplane ... whatever that means. Twr: C'mon Cactus, you guys should know what that means, you fly Airbus' -- it's when the screens go blank and you have to restart them all. Cactus 51: Oh, yeah, we know about that. We just thought it was 'cause we were out of quarters. Short Final... January 16, 2005 Short runway, shorter fuse, and usually carrying less animated cargo... Tower: Understand you're without cargo today. If you're light, cleared for runway 6. N1234: All I have on board is my wife ... and she's heavy, but not THAT heavy. (pause) Tower: Roger N1234, and she's flying with you, now? N1234: Yep, she's got her headset on and is punching the heck out of me. Cleared to land runway 6, N1234. Tower: Copy all.. ...We'll roll the trucks. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Dave 2,322 Posted December 1, 2009 Now that is some funny s**t. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Eject Posted December 1, 2009 (edited) No disrespect is intended to the Indonesian Natinal Carrier, the GARUDA. In the ol' days, it had been the subject of ridicule due, mostly, to ts bad service, and punctuality (lots of delays). Late 1980's, cruising at 37K feet hi above the Pacific Ocean from LAX final destination Denpasar Bali, Stop Over Hawai, next to Irian Jaya (West Papua) for refuelling. The Captain was (a fictional name), Gom Gombloh. At that altitude one of the the 4-engine BOEING (?) did not work well, minutes later engine no.2, 3, so with just one engine running, the big bird GARUDA dropped fast. Yet, with thousands of flying hours, Capt, Gombloh stayed cool, and announced to his passengers (some 200 souls, foreigners and Indonesians as well who spoke English): "This is ur Captin Gombloh speaking. My dear passengers, I would not lie to you, I msut tell u the truth. If you look thru your windows, on ur left and ur right; u will see that only one engine of the four is running. See that dark trails? Obviously we have leaks." "But do not worry, I shall bring this big bird down first, next we shall land on the ocean!" "I mean, nearby some island. So, stay calm please. Rely on me ur Captain, and my Co-Pilot Sontoloyo." "Before I conclude, please check it out, that under ur seats u will find YELLOW Live-Vests. Those Vests are for emergency landings ,especially on the ocean. The stewardesses will soon inform u on how to wear them/put them ont. And finally, may I say, for those who CANNOT swin, may I repeat, who CANNOT swim; TAHNK U very much for flying GARUDA." Btw dudes, GARUDA has recently been pretty good, reliable -- and the tickets are expensive man! Edited December 2, 2009 by Gr.Viper That huge quote was totally unnecessary Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TX3RN0BILL 3 Posted December 2, 2009 Talk about leaving N1234 for the "punch"-line... Great post, Typhoid!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
