OT: New Year brings rise in Security Alert State ;)

[Wels]

New Year Terror threat levels increased. *New Year brings rise in Security Alert State*

 

Recent terrorist threats have caused the English to raise their

security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security

levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when

tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from

"Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the English issued a

"Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the

Spanish Armada.

 

The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get

the Bastards". They don't have any other levels.. This is the reason

they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last

300 years.

 

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its

terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in

France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender.." The rise was precipitated by

a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively

paralysing the country's military capability.

 

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy

has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to

"Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective

Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

 

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful

Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also

have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

 

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual and the only

threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

 

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to

deploy. These beautifully designed craft have glass bottoms so the new

Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile and as usual are carrying out pre-emptive strikes

on all of their allies, just in case.

 

And in the southern hemisphere...

 

New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to

"BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a

squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some

toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more

level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue

us".

 

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"

to "She'll be all right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain:

"Crikey!', "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and

"The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has ever warranted use

of the final escalation level.

 

 

 

 

Greetings,

and a Happy New Year,

Catfish

 

[Slartibartfast]

One word for that one GENIUS!!!

 

Thanks for the perspective on that one Mr Wel's that made me laugh out loud...

 

:rofl:

[Rickitycrate]

The Underpants Bomber reminds me of the Enema Bandit of the late '70ies.

 

Thanks Catfish.

[Duce Lewis]

LOL!

That was inspirational!

 

I swiped it, and posted it another forum. I tried to Not Take CREDIT For IT, but one irate fellow claims . . 'I owe him a keyboard' . Serves him right . . the nasty SOB

 

THANKS

Al, if he takes you to court and wins a new keyboard, I volunteer to pay all costs

[Bullethead]

the Enema Bandit of the late '70ies.

 

It's too bad today's truly interesting characters no longer have Zappa to immortalize them. I drink to his shade .

 

Nice post Catfish, BTW

[RAF_Louvert]

.

 

LOL! That is a pretty damned funny bit of writing Catfish, thanks for sharing. I saw it posted a couple of months back in another forum, and I am still wondering who's the original author. Is it you Sir, by any chance?

 

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