Canadian joke

[Capitaine Vengeur 263]

I'm fond of jokes involving French-Canadians, implying their so tasteful accent and colloquial expressions, and their reputation of unswerving spirit of pragmatism and good sense. This joke I like very much (although perhaps a little outdated by this 21st Century):

 

 

 

During a meeting of the British Commonwealth of Nations, an English-Canadian Member of Parliament discusses with a Scottish MP.

 

The Jock vaunts his beloved country:

 

"You know, in the Highlands, we have a valley between two mountains where the echo is simply amazing. When you shout: "God save the Queen!" across this valley, you can hear at least thirty voices replying: "God save the Queen!"

 

The Canadian stays silent for a moment, sighs, then replies:

 

"You know, in Ottawa, we have the Ottawa River, with the town of Gatineau on the next bank, in the French-speaking province of Quebec. And when you shout: "God save the Queen!" across this river, you can hear at least one hundred voices replying: "Meinge d'la maërde, gros crisse de cave!!" (in French-Canadian: "Eat s**t, you bloody fool!!")

 

 

 

Long life, Québec !!

[xclusiv8 35]

[UK_Widowmaker 571]

"implying their so tasteful accent and colloquial expressions, and their reputation of unswerving spirit of pragmatism and good sense"

 

Sorry..I thought that was the funniest bit!

[Guest Raden]

:clapping:May I share with u an other. I must state here first that NO disrespect is intended to anyone or any parties anywhere. Just a joke (perhaps not so funny one?) I heard loooong time ago in the USA.

 

 

A senior guy, people called him Father ('Vader') within a certain 'community' he served. He had been enjoying golfing, yet has skipped it for many years.

 

So, off one free early morning, he went to a not-to-far golf course he frequented some years back. Good news! His long-time caddy, a guy of now in his late 30 something, was still around.

 

To cut it brief, this 'Father,' whom many people have been aware of enjoying to curse (God Forbids!) -- the old caddy of his also was aware of this Father's explosive temper -- went straight away to the Drive. To do some practice first, with his "Iron" (a golfing club). The Green was some 400 hundred yards away.

 

The caddy just watched as the Father did his very first swing.

 

Boom! and the white, small golfing ball did an "outbound" (off target), to a nearby bush.

 

Accordingly, the Father got p...ed off. and -- the old habit of cursing, freely went out of his 'holy mouth,' "S**t, I missed it! (the Green)

 

The caddy, having known the father for long, reminded politely, "But Father, you were not supposed to curse. Its sinful."

 

As if the Father realized of his inappropriate outburst, he quickly offered an apology to his long-time caddy he knew well.

 

"You're right my son. I shall no more curse." and, he prayed, audibly, to (you know Who). "Please my Dear God, do forgive me. I will not be cursing anymore."

 

Next, he did his second swing. Same result! And same curse, "Sh*t! I missed it!"

 

"Father! You just said you would not say that bad word again."

 

The caddy got irritated now. And, the Father re-assured him that he would not curse again, and repeated his plea to Dear God.

 

So, he has broken his promise.

 

Third swing, and the third ball went even worse. Outbound, never to be found again!

 

This time around, the Father really got mad, and "sang" again his favorite "song" (cursing many times). "Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t! I missed it!"

 

And, all of a sudden, a thunderclap stroke the ground nearby. The caddy was fried to charcoal-like remains. And, the Father was now weeping loudly,

 

"But dear God, I was the one who sinned. Why this nice caddy of mine?? Why, why God? Please answer me."

 

And, a moment later, a heavy voice was heard from up up up there:

 

"S**t!!! I missed him!

Edited February 4, 2010 by USAFMTL

[Derk 265]

Adoe, kasian !!!!! (menggelikan.......)

 

Derk

[xclusiv8 35]

hahahahaha:rofl:

[Capitaine Vengeur 263]

I enjoy a French-Canadian series of short sketches displaying plasticine characters (Wallace & Gromitt style), "Les têtes à claques" (= worth-slapping faces). Although a very cheap production, it has surprisingly been a big hit in France, due to its diffusion on Internet, its special humor, and the popular French-Canadian accent. Due to this success, recent translations exist in English-Canadian.

 

One sketch presents a couple of Quebecers visiting Paris, with a French waiter waiting for their orders. After several mistakes, the end of the sketch leans on a heavier mistake about the word "gosses", which means "kids" in French, and "balls" in French-Canadian (yes yes, that sort of balls). The Quebecers are talking about their children (using the word for children), the waiter hears them. Then follows this tasteful dialogue:

 

French: Ah, you have "gosses"? Do you have a picture of your "gosses"?

 

Quebecer: Er... No.. No, not here...

 

French: One should always travel with a picture of one's "gosses", no?

 

Quebecer: Er... I don't know... At the Customs, they only wanted to see my passport.

 

French: Hey, I have two healthy "gosses". Would you want to see them?

 

Quebecer: No no, I believe you. I trust you. Really.

 

French: Wouldn't you want me to show you a picture of my "gosses"?

 

Quebecer: Er... No no, we're about to have dinner... Er, later, perhaps.

[+Dave 2,321]

Wait, the French have invaded Canada and taken over? TO ARMS TO ARMS. THE FRENCH HAVE OVER RAN CANADA! TO ARMS, TO ARMS!!!!!

 

 

[UnknownPilot 33]

I like Canada. Quebec, not so much. hee

 

And I love to joke and tease, but all in good fun (because hosers rock).

 

How do Canadians spell the name of their country?

C, Eh?, N, Eh?, D, Eh?

 

 

Like, grab your toques and take off, eh!

 

[Rambler 1-1 9]

Wait, the French have invaded Canada and taken over? TO ARMS TO ARMS. THE FRENCH HAVE OVER RAN CANADA! TO ARMS, TO ARMS!!!!!

 

 

 

yeah, we need all the help we can get. They're making us learn their language in our schools, and we have to be able to speak French in the Air Force.

 

Oh well, If we really wanted to get rid of them, we could appeal to Bill 101 and the Bloc Quebecois would throw a fit ending in separation. Vive la Republic Democratique de Quebec!

 

Oh, and one more thing:

 

 

I love my country!

[Capitaine Vengeur 263]

"implying their so tasteful accent and colloquial expressions, and their reputation of unswerving spirit of pragmatism and good sense"

 

Sorry..I thought that was the funniest bit!

 

 

Yes, pragmatism and common sense, although Anglican subjects would probably call it the philistine point of view.

 

Imagine you travel in a hot-air balloon, and traitor winds make you lost. You see someone on the ground, who happens to be a Quebecer, and ask him: "Excuse me sir, can you tell me where I am?". The answer would probably be: "Hé tabarnak', you are in a 'tite baskette under a crisse de big ball. Can't you see it by yourself, là, or are you kidding me, hostie?"

 

On the philistine point of view, he is absolutely right, isn't he?

[UnknownPilot 33]

Yes, pragmatism and common sense, although Anglican subjects would probably call it the philistine point of view.

 

Imagine you travel in a hot-air balloon, and traitor winds make you lost. You see someone on the ground, who happens to be a Quebecer, and ask him: "Excuse me sir, can you tell me where I am?". The answer would probably be: "Hé tabarnak', you are in a 'tite baskette under a crisse de big ball. Can't you see it by yourself, là, or are you kidding me, hostie?"

 

On the philistine point of view, he is absolutely right, isn't he?

 

 

That's neither pragmatic, nor common sense - it's being a smart ass.