The Lone Wolf

[Olham]

Every now and then, it strikes me, and I want to express the feelings about something

that touched me, in a poem or the verses of a song.

(Don't be afraid - it won't happen very often).

 

Now it is always difficult to get it right in another language, but fortunately, there is a

certain poetic freedom. But if you native English speaking guys see something, that is

definitely wrong, don't hesitate to correct me.

 

Those of you, who are familiar with the most well known aces, will surely know, who it is about.

 

The Lone Wolf

From the bright morning light

Mirror of platinum

Bathing my face in god

Came he, to kill

 

Firebird from the sun

Took in a heartbeat's space

my wingman, my dear friend

Roaring past, gone

 

Albatros burning red

Putz raised his hand to head

his last salute to us

Already dead

 

So hard to understand

First he would take my friend

Later he spared my life

with chivalry

 

'Vieux Charles', where did you end

Unknown your place of death

No grave, no wreath nor song

Lonesome and gone

 

(Corrected with your help - thank you all!)

Edited March 22, 2010 by Olham

[Slartibartfast]

A very good poem there Olham... and the Errors for us English speaking types are few but it is very understandable... Thanks for sharing

 

If you want I will do a full translation of it from German to English...

Edited March 20, 2010 by Slartibartfast

[Hasse Wind]

I agree, a very good poem. Can't say much about the language though, not being a native speaker.

[cptroyce]

Very nice Olham- Reads fine; just one or two word/spelling errors. Could you write it in German as well? I'm trying to teach myself German ( Rosetta Stone program..it's fantastic) and I'd like to see how it would read in German.

 

Thanks,

 

Royce

[Olham]

Thank you, guys. I don't have it in German yet; will give it a try.

But English is so much shorter of silabels, and therefor easier to place more

short words into a verse - like made for pop songs, I always say.

 

Perhaps you can tell me the wrong bits, so I could correct them?

But a German one will be sent tomorrow. Promised.

Edited March 20, 2010 by Olham

[Duce Lewis]

Excellent Poem Olham!

Writing of a wingman's fireball is a unique angle

Only typo I spotted was;

I think you meant "wreath" near the end

[cptroyce]

Olham - >> 'Vieux Charles', were did you end<<

"..where did you end?"

[Olham]

Thank you, guys - I corrected the words above now.

[Duce Lewis]

Thank you, guys - I corrected the words above now.

Glad to help!

It's a fine work

 

Took another look at this line "Bathing my face in god"

Did you mean "gold"?

[Olham]

Nope - I mean "god". Since it is so impossible to give "god" a face or figure,

I sometimes feel like facing god in looking into the sun - you just can't see

the sun either, cause it's too bright; you must close your eyes - and then you

may bathe your face in the sun - or in god, who is all creation.

[Herr Prop-Wasche]

You wrote that yourself? You are a man of many talents, Olham!

 

When I first saw your post, I assumed you were translating another person's poem. Looking back, I see that it is your own work. Consider me impressed!

 

More, please!

[Creaghorn]

very well done, old chap

[Olham]

Thank you, Herr Prop-Wasche and Creaghorn - yes, every (very rare) now and then,

I create some own music, or write a little poem / song text.

It only works, when I feel that sudden urge, and then I must write it down quickly.

After second and third looks a bit later, it gets the shape to be content with.

Still far from great poetry, rather in a line with other soldier's / pilot's poems.

But that's okay for me.

[Dej]

Like it.

 

Though Olham, 'Takes in an eyeblink's time' isn't idiomatic. I think an English version would more likely say 'Takes, in the blink of an eye,' And perhaps, in the fourth stanza second verse, 'Now' ought better to be 'Then', especially as the poem is 'looking back' at a moment in the past.

[Olham]

Hmmm - the line "Takes, in the blink of an eye" doesn't work - would be one silabel too many.

It needs to have only six. Otherwise, the rhythm would be wrong.

Could I say "once" for that "now" too ?

[catch]

 

I think it sounds pretty good in German. I couldn't get it to rhyme but .... Ich habe sie hatten es hier mit blutigen diese dumme Sache und ich werde es nicht mehr dauern unt können die Flöhe von tausend Kamelen befallen den Achseln !!

 

But I digress ....

 

 

Der einsame Wolf

Von dem hellen Morgenlicht

spiegal von Platin

Baden mein Gesicht in Gott

Kam er zu töten

 

Firebird von der Sonne

Nahm in der Zeit ein Herzschlag

mein Flügelmann, mein lieber Freund

Roaring Vergangenheit gegangen

 

Albatros brennen rot

Putz hob seine Hand auf den Kopf

seinen letzten Gruß an uns

Bereits tot

 

So schwer zu verstehen

Zuerst hat er würde mein Freund

Später hat er mir das Leben gerettet

Rittertum

 

"Vieux Charles", wo hast du Ende

Unbekannt Ihr Ort des Todes

Kein Grab, kein Kranz noch Gesang

Einsam und gegangen.

 

[Olham]

Wellllllllll - ahemmmm - this may be the result, when you send it

through an Asian translation software - not quite what I wanted to say.

 

But if you did this from your school German lessons, I must say,

you memorise quite a lot of vocabulary.

Even though it is partly just used wrong.

Especially in a poem, it seems quite tricky - who knows, how my poem

is looking for you.

Edited March 22, 2010 by Olham

[Dej]

You know, the more often I read this the more I like it. The third stanza is a powerful image. The verse 'bathing my face in God' too, is evocative. It immediately makes me think of the last line of John Gillespie Magee's well-known poem 'High Flight'.

 

All the same, I'm struggling to help with the second verse of the second stanza though, since 'Took in a heartbeat's time' still isn't idiomatic to me. You might like to consider '... in a heartbeat's space' instead. In English one could say 'in the space of a heartbeat', meaning a brief moment.

 

Also, personally, I think '...spared my life. In chivalry.' might be better in the fourth stanza... and historically more accurate, too

[Olham]

Makes sense to me, and feels right - changed it; thank you, Dej.

 

Forgive a German, when he doesn't know the poem you mention.

Could you post it here, perhaps?

[Hasse Wind]

Translation programs have become more and more sophisticated over the past few years. Below is Olham's poem translated with the help of Google Translate (apologies to Olham and the German language).

 

Der einsame Wolf

 

Von dem hellen Morgenlicht

Mirror von Platin

Baden mein Gesicht in Gott

Kam er zu töten

 

Firebird von der Sonne

Nahmen im Raum ein Heartbeat

mein wingman, mein lieber Freund

Roaring Vergangenheit gegangen

 

Albatros Burning Red

Putz hob seine Hand auf den Kopf

seinen letzten Gruß an uns

Bereits tot

 

So schwer zu verstehen

Zuerst hat er würde mein Freund

Später wurde er verschont mein Leben

Rittertum

 

Vieux Charles, wo hast du das Ende

Unbekannt Ihr Ort des Todes

Kein Grab, kein Kranz noch Gesang

Lonesome and gone

 

 

As anybody who understands even a little bit of German can easily tell, the translation program didn't do a very good job. But it's still better than when I translated the poem from English into Finnish. The result made me laugh. A lot.

 

But the most important thing is that I was actually able to understand the translation. It was more than a bit silly with some words and sentences, but the main ideas were there. Not a bad result for a brainless program, when you think about.

[Dej]

More than happy to air this one any time, it's arguably the most famous aviation poem in the English language...

 

High Flight

 

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth

And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;

Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth

Of sun-split clouds, — and done a hundred things

You have not dreamed of — wheeled and soared and swung

High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there,

I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung

My eager craft through footless halls of air. . . .

 

Up, up the long, delirious burning blue

I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace

Where never lark, or ever eagle flew —

And, while with silent, lifting mind I've trod

The high untrespassed sanctity of space,

Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

 

John Gillespie Magee Jr. Spitfire pilot, KIFA, 11th December 1941.

[Olham]

It can get really funny with such programs.

I once had got a PC game with such a funny translation.

 

It said about the sound card in German: die gesunde Karte (the healthy card)

 

"sound" has two meanings, but they picked the wrong one obviously

Edited March 22, 2010 by Olham

[catch]

Hmmmm .... doesn't come up too flash in Chinese and I think there's some dialect issues particularly in paragraph 5. Maybe it's the illudium generator or the vortex inhibitor ? Olham I do like your poem really. Just having a bit of fun with the useless translator thing. But I'm done now.

 

孤獨狼

 

從早晨明亮的光線

鉑金鏡

我的臉沐浴在神

來到他，要殺死

 

火鳥從太陽

參加了心跳的空間

我的僚機，我親愛的朋友

呼嘯而過，了

 

信天翁燃燒紅

朴子舉手頭

他最後向我們敬禮

已經死了

 

因此，很難理解

首先，他將我的朋友

後來，他不惜我的生命

與騎士

 

'舊查爾斯，你在哪裡結束

你的位置未知死亡

不嚴重，沒有花圈，也歌曲

寂寞的經歷

孤獨狼

 

從早晨明亮的光線

鉑金鏡

我的臉沐浴在神

來到他，要殺死

 

火鳥從太陽

參加了心跳的空間

我的僚機，我親愛的朋友

呼嘯而過，了

 

信天翁燃燒紅

朴子舉手頭

他最後向我們敬禮

已經死了

 

因此，很難理解

首先，他將我的朋友

後來，他不惜我的生命

與騎士

 

'舊查爾斯，你在哪裡結束

你的位置未知死亡

不嚴重，沒有花圈，也歌曲

寂寞的經歷

[Olham]

Well, it LOOKS great in Chinese - like something with a lot of meaning!

 

[Slartibartfast]

Well, it LOOKS great in Chinese - like something with a lot of meaning!

 

 

Yours had plenty of meaning and if people keep throwing poetry around I might dable my hand in as well... You have been warned...