PD-1 3 Posted March 22, 2010 SON OF A BITCH FISH! The parish priest went on a fishing trip. On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in. The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!" "Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!" "No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is - a Son of a Bitch fish!" "Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!" Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster. "Father, that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen." "Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?" "Why, eat it! Of course You've never tasted anything as good as Son of a Bitch!" Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory. While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip. "Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!" Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!" "It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is, a Son of a Bitch fish!" "Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?" Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for his dinner. "I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch," she said. As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in. "What are you doing Sister?" "Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new Bishop's Dinner." "Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!" "No, no, no, it's called a Son of a Bitch Fish." "Really? Well in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course!" "Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch." On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent. The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?" "I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest. "And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister. The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch using a special recipe!" The new Bishop looked around at each of them. A big smile crept across his face as he said, "You F''exspletative''ers are my kind of people!" i thought it best to clean it up on a public forume.. PD Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PD-1 3 Posted March 23, 2010 Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking. Arlene: What in the hell is that? Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet. Arlene: Where did you get it? Jane: You can get them at any pharmacy. The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local pharmacy and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers. 'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.' The pharmacist promptly fainted... PD Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Duce Lewis 3 Posted March 24, 2010 Is that you Pilotsden? If so, it's good to see you back in these parts! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PD-1 3 Posted March 24, 2010 Is that you Pilotsden? If so, it's good to see you back in these parts! ONE AND THE SAME.......has anyone seen Cpt. Winters of late? PD Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UK_Widowmaker 571 Posted March 24, 2010 Hahahahaha....excellent!...thanks Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PD-1 3 Posted March 24, 2010 Hahahahaha....excellent!...thanks Since fishing is your passion.....i can hear you telling this one around the campfire.... cheers, PD Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PD-1 3 Posted March 25, 2010 a little humor to he;p pass the time How you know when love fades? Listen Up... A man was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he heard his wife's voice from the kitchen: "What would you like for dinner, Sweetie? Chicken, Beef or Lamb?" He said, "Thank you; I'll have chicken." She said "F*** you. You're having soup. I was talking to the cat." LOL pd Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Duce Lewis 3 Posted March 25, 2010 a little humor to he;p pass the time How you know when love fades? Listen Up... A man was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he heard his wife's voice from the kitchen: "What would you like for dinner, Sweetie? Chicken, Beef or Lamb?" He said, "Thank you; I'll have chicken." She said "F*** you. You're having soup. I was talking to the cat." LOL pd LOL! Lotta truth in that one I fear Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PD-1 3 Posted March 26, 2010 Ole's genie Ole & Sven were fishing one day when Sven pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches, he asked Ole for a light. "Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter," he replied. Then, reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long. "Yiminy Cricket!" exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic lighter in his hands. "Vere dit yew git dat monster??" "Vell," replied Ole, "I got it from my Genie." "You haff a Genie?" Sven asked. "Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle pox," says Ole. "Could I see him?" Ole opens his tackle box & sure enough, out pops the Genie. Addressing the genie, Sven says, "Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?" "Yes, I will," says the Genie . So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks. The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there, waiting for his million bucks. Shortly, the sky darkens & is filled with the sound of a million ducks flying overhead. Over the roar of the million ducks Sven yells at Ole. "Yumpin' Yimminy I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!" Ole answers, "Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hart of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?" LMAO PD Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
