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JediMaster

Hilarious Cable Technology Reviews

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While this may sound nonsensical, it's not. Read the reviews of this $2500 Ethernet cable (yes, $2500) from Denon on Amazon.

 

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000I1X6PM?m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&tag=at055-20&ref=dynamitedata.com

 

I dare you not to laugh at these! I don't know how this happened, but it's brilliant. Don't forget to check all the pictures in the product description, where someone apparently used the cable on a Gravity Gun from HL2.

 

Review samples:

Transmission of music data at rates faster than the speed of light seemed convenient, until I realized I was hearing the music before I actually wanted to play it. Apparently Denon forgot how accustomed most of us are to unidirectional time and the general laws of physics. I tried to get used to this effect but hearing songs play before I even realized I was in the mood for them just really screwed up my preconceptions of choice and free will. I'm still having a major existential hangover.

 

Would not purchase again.

 

As a cable it is without peer. Flux measurements at the terminus indicate a 5 by 5 Higgs Boson toroidal equivilence at a 570-degree rotation!

The parallel interspace coiling does result in a break-in period that measures close to 70,000 hours, but adjusting your frame-decoupling VMDRW box to the negative Kardza-Chu mode can reduce the time significantly.

Negatives expressed about this cable in other reviews are the result of failure to appreciate transcendence and purity of being that is rare in the cabling industry.

 

(As a post-script, I have noticed a "muddiness" in piano music between 9500 and 11200 hz.)

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Thats ace - surprised amazon havnt noticed

 

The cable knew where to go, and hooked itself into the correct ports without help from me - all the while, the choir sang praises to the almighty digital god. With trepidation, I pushed "play," and was instantly enveloped in a sound that echoed the creation of all matter, a sound that vibrated every cell in my body to perfection. I was instantly taken to the next plane, where I saw the all-father. I knew with my entire soul, that all was good in the world.

 

But then I realized the cable was blue, so I only gave it one star. I hate blue.

Edited by MigBuster

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