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After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about the problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then the pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight .


Never let it be said that ground crews lack sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.


By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.


S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.


S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


P: Something loose in cockpit.


S: Something tightened in cockpit.


P: Dead bugs on windshield.


S: Live bugs on back-order.


P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.


S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.


S: Evidence removed.


P: DME volume unbelievably loud.


S: DME volume set to more believable level.


P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.


S: That's what friction locks are for.


P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.


S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


P: Suspected crack in windshield.


S: Suspect you're right.


P: Number 3 engine missing.


S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


P: Aircraft handles funny.


S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


P: Target radar hums.


S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


P: Mouse in cockpit.


S: Cat installed.


And the best one for last..................


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.


S: Took hammer away from midget.

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This one was told to our A+P class by our program director in Airframe class: A line service personel reported that he droped his flashlight into the wingtank of the (I don't remember the aircraft-707, 737?)he was servicing. The aircraft was taken out of service, the wing removed and disassembled to recover the flashlight, 12 !!!!!Flashlights were recorved.






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I got one!! I read this on some comms funnies that came in an email chain.


A Beech Bonanza was waiting to take off at a busy airport somewhere, the runway was being used by a DC-10 or something. So the DC-10 turns off the runway and the co-pilot looks out the window and sees the Beech and says on the radio something like "Cute airplane, did you build it yourself?"


To which the pilot of the Beech replies "Yep, I built it out of DC-10 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts to finish my second one."



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