SO WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?...ONLY IN THE USAF...READ ON-

[Slartibartfast 153]

--COLONEL: Successful crossing, well planned and carried out in accordance with my directives.

 

--CHIEF: About time that thing worked; hope the Colonel's finally happy.

 

--NCO: Changed two wings, a beak, and removed a bad egg, and the silly thing still can't fly!

 

--2ND LT: Look at the pretty bird!

 

--AIR EDUCATION AND TRAINING COMMAND (AETC): The purpose is to familiarize the chicken with road-crossing procedures. Road crossing should be performed only between the hours of sunset and sunrise. Solo chickens must have at least 3 miles of visibility and a safety observer.

 

--AIR INTELLIGENCE AGENCY (AIA): Despite what you see on CNN, I can neither confirm nor deny any fowl performing acts of transit. Questions? Please see the SSO.

 

--AIR FORCE RESERVE COMMAND (AFRC): If it didn't happen on a Saturday or Sunday then we missed it.

 

--AIR FORCE FOREIGN TECHNOLOGY CENTER (AFFTC): This event will need confirmation; we need to repeat it using varied chicken breeds, road types, and weather conditions to confirm whether it can actually happen within the parameters specified for chickens and the remote possibility that they might cross thruways designated by some as 'roads.'

 

--AIR COMBAT COMMAND (ACC): The chicken should log this as a GCC sortie only if road-crossing qualified. The crossing updates the chicken's 60-day road-crossing currency only if performed on a Monday or Thursday or during a full moon. Instructor chickens may update currency any time they observe another chicken cross the road.

 

--PACIFIC AIR FORCE (PACAF): We don't have chickens yet, as they haven't been funded. The latest projection is for chickens in FY2002, at which time they will be WRM assets assigned to ACC.

 

--AIR MOBILITY COMMAND (AMC): The purpose is not important. What is important is that the chicken remained under the OPCON of USCINCTRANS and did not CHOP to the theatre on the other side of the road. Without CHOPing, the chicken was able to achieve a seamless road crossing with near perfect, real-time in-transit visibility.

 

--AIR FORCE MATERIEL COMMAND (AFMC): Recent changes in technology, coupled with today's multipolar strategic environment, have created new challenges in the chicken's ability to cross the road. The chicken was also faced with significant challenges to create and Develop core competencies required for this new environment. AFMC's Chicken Systems Program Office (CSPO), in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) CSPO helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes, and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program management framework. The CSPO convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and retired chickens along with MITRE consultants with deep skills in an efficient substitute for F-22s!

 

--Air Education and Training Command: The purpose is to familiarize the chicken with road-crossing procedures. Road-crossing should be performed only between the hours of sunset to sunrise. Solo chickens must have at least three miles of visibility and a safety observer.

 

--Special Ops: The chicken crossed at a 90 degree angle to avoid prolonged exposure to a line of communication. To achieve maximum surprise, the chicken should have performed this manoeuvre at night using NVG goggles, preferably near a road bend in a valley.

 

--Tanker Airlift Control Centre: We need the road-crossing time and the time the chicken becomes available for another crossing.

 

--Command Post: What chicken?

 

--Tower: The chicken was instructed to hold short of the road. This road-incursion incident was reported in a Hazardous Chicken Road-Crossing Report (HCRCR). Please re-emphasize that chickens are required to read back all hold short instructions.

 

--C-130 Crewmember: Just put it in back and let's go!

 

--C-141 Crewmember: I ordered a #4 with turkey and ham, NOT chicken! Besides, where in the hell are my condiments?! We ain't taking off 'til I get my condiments.

 

--Fighter Dude: Look, dude, that was a frag , OK? I've flown my 1.0 for the day and I ain't got time for no more questions.

 

--B-1 crew: Missed the whole show. We had an IFE so we couldn't get out to see it; you'll have to ask the SOF.

 

--Air Force Personnel Centre: Due to the needs of the Air Force, the chicken was involuntarily reassigned to the other side of the road. This will be a 3-year controlled tour and we promise to give the chicken a good-deal assignment afterwards. Every chicken will be required to do one road-crossing during its career, and this will not affect its opportunities for future promotions.

Edited October 28, 2011 by Slartibartfast

[+Dave 2,322]

Very old indeed, but very funny.

 

"--Command Post: What chicken?"

 

Yep that is true......

 

 

 

"Why did the chicken cross the road?'

 

"'To get to the other side. But he stepped out of rank, got hit by a tank and he ain't no chicken no more."

[Derk 265]

First of all, the chicken crossed the road in order to avoid a long detour, which would only be succesfull in case of a dead end street anyway.........

 

Houdoe,

 

Derk

[JediMaster 451]

Weird Al posted a video on his Youtube channel where he filmed a chicken running across a road. As it does, he's yelling at it "Why??? WHY?!!?!?!"

[Nesher 628]

haha..