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Slartibartfast

You know in the southern states...

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These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos: 


1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
 

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
 

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favourite) 

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." 

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT) 

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?" 

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?" 

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." 

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?" 

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop." 

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven." 

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center ) 

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?" 

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can." 

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail." 

AND THE WINNER IS.... 

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

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6 and 8 baby, 6 and 8...ROFLMAO!

 

 

Oh yeah, and 10...lol!

Edited by pcpilot

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Yep.  And when I cross the border in Tabor City and pick up Route 9 to Myrtle Beach, I drive the speedlimit.  Not one over.

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Too funny and all too true. Spent a lot of time stationed in "The South".  Two short stories.

 

1. Traveling from Virginia to visit my wife's family in Alabama in 1991, (wife born and raised in Albany/Berkeley, CA.) going through Goergia,  we were pulled over one mile from the Alabama state line. He was hidden in trees, they will make a small clearing in the trees that cannot be seen until you are past it. I'm trying to be nice and my wife decides she wants to argue with the state trooper that we could not have been speeding as we were going up hill behind a big rig. I'm trying to get her to stop arguing and the trooper tells her "Ma'am you better listen to your husband" and proceeds to lecture me about controlling my passengers. Let's just say that the rest of the trip was very quiet until our return to Virginia.

 

2. I will refute #16. Transferring from Virginia to California, traveling across Texas and Texas and Texas, my wife gets pulled over by a Texas State Trooper. I see this pull over and start to back up. Next I see the Trooper walking towards my car. He asks me if I know the occupants of the car behind me, I answer yes. He proceeds to write me a ticket for speeding. I ask him why, he tells me my wife claims that she was not paying attention to her speed and was following me. When I was backing up he asked her if she knew the car backing up. She tells him "two 68 Camaros with Virginia tags, what do you think?" I know why I got the ticket. All I had in the car with me was the dog. In the other car was my wife and teenage daughter both wearing tank tops shoving ice down their fronts because the cars did not have air conditioning. So don't tell me cops, southern or otherwise, give tickets to pretty girls if they can give it to someone else. If I had known I would get a ticket, believe me, I would have kept on driving.

 

Take care,

C2

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