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Bullwinkles Weekend Safety Brief

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I get this from my friends at Gruntworks Facebook page. Good information here. If you ever were in the US military you know all too well about these briefings, so without further adieu.....its time for.......




Bring it in. Take a knee.

Meach, Scuba Steves – go.

This morning, an anonymous tip clued us in to some odd behavior in my barracks. The resulting Health & Welfare inspection turned up a couple of home-made prison-style ghetto tattoo guns. This interesting fact leads me to issue the following three items of advice:

1. If money is that tight, stop spending it. There is no other legal job in this country that will pay you slack-jawed pissants fresh out of high school what Uncle Sam wastes on you. You live in the barracks, the chow hall feeds you. Why are you making tattoo guns out of rubber bands and coat hangers when every third storefront in this damned town houses a tattoo parlor? Each one has a pawn shop right next door, so you can sell your buddy's TV to get a torii on your chest to prove just how cherry you are.

2. Find the rat in your midst. I don't know who called in the tip, and I don't care, but you need to get to know your comrades, and be more careful about who gets clued in to your secrets. What if I had found a blue-eyed Malaysian shemale hooker flexcuffed to a toilet, or weapons-grade uranium in the mini-fridge, or a midget with a snorkel in a trashcan full of lime Jell-O? We'd all be locked down, with no hope of finding beer or the affections of the local wildlife.

3. Don't get married. I know, I know, it has nothing to do with the situation at hand, but it's really good advice. You can tell because I'm the one who said it. Also, I'll bury you in a back-forty firebreak if you do.

Meach, get those knees off the ground. You're not bobbing for dollars in the alley behind the Electric Cowboy.

Now that you're all a little smarter, let's hope you can avoid dicking up the Five Ds:

1. Don't do dudes.
2. Don't do dudes' wives.
3. Don't do drugs.
4. Don't drink and drive.
5. Don't beat your wife.

Meach, recover.

Drink water.

Now, get the hell out of my AO!


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Spit shine an starch and the smell of burning Johnson's Past Wax.

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Don't be that guy.


Probably the best weekend safety brief I ever had.

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