Pilot Humor

[+Erik]

Don't mess with witty pilots they'll make your day.

 

On a fairly calm and beautiful afternoon in Georgia the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed.

 

The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.

 

Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"

 

The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough for another one."

 

 

[JimAttrill]

Here's a well-known joke about pilots:

 

Q.  How do you know if there is a pilot in the room?

A.  He will tell you

[Silberpfeil]

And invariably he will tell you:

Every take-off is optional.  Every landing is mandatory.

[HumanDrone]

I always liked the (probably apocryphal) one about the British Airways pilot landing in Frankfurt and awaiting taxi instructions.  The story is that you simply taxi to your gate in Frankfurt without ground control instruction (which may have been possible in a less congested airfield shortly after WWII, certainly not today).  The tower chastised the pilot for not knowing where his gate was and asked if he's never flown to Frankfurt before, to which he replied, "Oh, yes, several times.  But I didn't land."

[+Erik]

On a dismally overcast low ceiling morning at JFK a British Airlines crew were about fourth in a long queue waiting to take off in our larger Boeing aircraft.

 

The JFK ATC allowed a B737 on a local flight to take a short-cut and start his takeoff run by joining the main runway from a taxiway causing us to wait for him to take off and clear.

 

"How do you like them apples?" The B737 keyed up over the radio as he started his takeoff run.

 

Boeing aircraft had a warning horn for major problems that you can test. Half-way along the B737's takeoff run, 'someone' held their cockpit mike to the horn and pressed it as they tested it.

 

The B737 abruptly stopped takeoff with full reverse and full braking and shuddered to a halt, tires (tyres) smoking.

 

A few seconds later we heard a voice come over the radio from another pilot in line: "How do you like them apples?.."

 

Karma sometimes bites you in the arse sooner than you think.

[+1977Frenchie]

My favorites :

 

In his book, Sled Driver, SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul writes: "I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as Walt (my backseater) and I were screaming across Southern California, 13 miles high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace. Though they didn't really control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope. I heard a Cessna ask for a readout of its groundspeed."

 

"90 knots" Center replied.

 

"Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same."

 

"120 knots," Center answered.

 

"We weren't the only ones proud of our groundspeed that day as almost instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, 'Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests groundspeed readout.'

"There was a slight pause, then the response, 525 knots on the ground, Dusty".

 

"Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation this was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my backseater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had become a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison." "Center, Aspen 20, you got a groundspeed readout for us?"

 

There was a longer than normal pause.... "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots"

 

"No further inquiries were heard on that frequency" 

 

Another SR-71 story :)

 

In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a request for clearance to FL 60 (60,000ft).

 

The incredulous controller, with some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to 60,000 feet?"

 

"The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, "We don't plan to go up to it, we plan to go down to it."

 

He was cleared... 

[+Erik]

Frenchie ... I just posted a topic about this exact thing a few days ago. http://combatace.com/topic/89231-cessna-ground-speed-check/

 

It was an excerpt from Brian Schul's book. Read the above link for the full story.

[Olham]

Hey, Erik - nice to "see" you!

[+Erik]

Nice to "see" you too!