IMMUTABLE LAWS

[+Erik 1,805]

Law of Mechanical Repair

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

 

Law of Gravity
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

 

Law of Probability 
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

 

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

 

Variation Law 
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

 

Law of the Bath 
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.
 

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

 

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theaters & Sports Arenas

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

The Coffee Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold

 

Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

 

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

 

Law of Physical Appearance
If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

Law of Public Speaking
-- A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!

 

Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

 

Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

[charlielima 328]

Affirmative.

CL

[Skyviper 1,101]

Stand Aside Sir Isaac Newton and make way for Sir Erik 

[33LIMA 972]

This is my favourite - the 'List of Un-natural Laws', starting with the classic:

 

Muprhy's Law

If something can go wrong, sooner or later it will.

 

O'Tools Commentary on Murphy's law
Murphy was an optimist.

 

The Unspeakable Law
As soon as you mention something, if it's good, it goes away; if it's bad, it happens.

 

The Non-reciprocal Laws of Expectations
Negative expectations yield negative results.
Positive expectations yield negative results.

 

Howe's Law
Every man has a scheme that will not work.

 

Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving Systems Dynamics
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to re-can them is to use a larger can.

 

Etorre's Observation
The other line/queue moves faster.

 

Skinner's Constant (aka Finnegan's Finagling Factor)
That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to, or subtracted from the answer you got, gives you the answer you should have got.

 

Maier's Law
If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.

 

Hoare's Law of Large Problems
Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.

 

Boren's First Law

When in charge, ponder.

When in trouble, delegate.
When in doubt, mumble.

 

The Golden Rule of Arts and Science
Whoever has the gold, makes the rules.

 

The Law of Selective Gravity
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

 

Barth's Distinction
There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.

 

Segal's Law
A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.

 

Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules
The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time. The last 10% takes the other 90%.

[Silberpfeil 363]

A couple more:

 

Gravity is not just a good idea.  It's the law - and it's not subject to appeal.

 

When in doubt, hold on to your altitude.  No one has ever collided with the sky.