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navychief

A Navy Joke.....

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A Soldier, a Sailor, an Airman & a Marine got into an argument about which branch of the service was "The Best." The arguing became so heated the four service men failed to see an oncoming truck as they crossed the street. They were hit by the truck & killed instantly.

 

Soon, the four servicemen found themselves at the Pearly gates of Heaven. There, they met Saint Peter & decided that only he could be the ultimate source of truth & honesty. So, the four servicemen asked him, "Saint Peter, which branch of the United States Armed Forces is the best?"

 

Saint Peter replied, "I can’t answer that. However, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him. Meanwhile, thank you for your service on Earth & welcome to Heaven." Some time later the four servicemen see Saint Peter & remind him of the question they had asked when first entering Heaven. The four servicemen asked Saint Peter if he was able to find the answer. Suddenly, a sparkling white dove lands on Saint Peter’s shoulder. In the dove’s beak is a note glistening with gold dust. Saint Peter opens the note, trumpets blare, gold dust drifts into the air, harps play crescendos & Saint Peter begins to read the note aloud to the four servicemen:

 

MEMORANDUM FROM THE DESK OF THE ALMIGHTY ONE

 

TO: All Former Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, & Marines

 

SUBJECT:

 

1. All branches of the United States Armed Forces are honorable & noble.

 

 

2. Each serves America well & with distinction.

 

 

3. Serving in the United States military represents a great honor warranting special respect, tribute, & dedication from your fellow man.

 

 

4. Always be proud of that.

 

Warm regards,

 

 

GOD, USN, (Retired)

 

Hehehehe.....Navychief

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Well, as far as GOD being a Chief, .......Well, I wasn't going to actually SAY that, but; now that you mention it......

 

Hehehehehe...

 

 

NC

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BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! :lol::lol::lol:

 

webfeet are a gift from God ya know... :P

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Give a DIV. chief two things,

A DIV. officer that stays out of the way.

And LPO's that can get thier people motivated.

With this they preform miricles. B)

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"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman.

"I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy,

you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."

 

"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied.

"Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"

 

 

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop.

They were both just getting finished with their shaves,

when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

 

The admiral shouted,

"Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"

 

The chief turned to his barber and said,

"Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

 

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(This is one of my favorites.lol)

 

 

 

Comparison of courage

 

Army, Air Force, and Marine Generals were standing in front of a rappelling tower with a Navy Admiral. The Air Force General says to the others, "My men are the most courageous of the Armed Forces."

 

"Ha!" said Army, "My men are the most courageous and I'll prove it."

 

Army calls a Private over from the tower. He tells the Private, "I want you to jump off that tower - no rope, no parachute."

 

"Yes, Sir!!!" the Private yells and proceeds to climb the tower. The Private walks to the edge, yells "Hoo-ahh!" and jumps off the tower. He is killed instantly upon impact.

 

"That's nothing," the Air Force General said, bored. He calls a Senior Airman over. "Son, I want you to jump off that tower - no rope, no parachute and I want you to do it with style."

 

"Yes, Sir!!!" the Senior Airman yells. He climbs to the top of the tower, walks to the edge and jumps. He executes a swan dive that would make Greg Louganis proud, hits the ground and dies on impact.

 

"Hmmph," the Marine growled. "Ya'll obviously forgot the Marine Corps were here," he said (yelling "Marine Corps!" as all Marines tend to do.)

 

He calls a Lance Corporal over. "Marine, I want you to jump off that tower and make the Corps proud!"

 

The Corporal yells, "Ooh-rah!", by way of response and runs to the tower. He grabs an M-60 and ammunition belt on the way and wraps the belt around himself in the Pancho Villa style. He climbs the tower and walks to the edge. Upon reaching the edge, he throws two grenades into the air, yells "Semper Fi Do or Die!" and jumps off. He starts shooting the M-60 in mid-air, clipping treetops and yelling the entire way down. His impact is obscured by the two exploding grenades. When the smoke clears, only little pieces of the Marine are left.

 

The others are impressed and nod their heads in admiration. Then the Admiral says, "That's nothing." The others turn to face the Admiral, their faces in disbelief. The Admiral calls a Seaman over who was cleaning latrines. "Son, I want you to jump off that tower- no rope, no parachute."

 

The Seaman looks the Admiral in the face and says, "Screw you! You kiss my ass first!" and walks off.

 

The Admiral turns to the others and says, "Now THAT'S courage!"

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

During the Vietnam war, a Lieutenant asked a Marine why he was falling back during a really fierce battle. "Didn't you hear me say that we're outnumbered 4 to 1 ?"

The Marine replied, "I got my four Sir."

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

jokes compliment of http://www.military-quotes.com/jokes/humor.htm

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Hey Firehawkordy

 

You are so, so correct! My last command was VQ-1, at NAS Whidbey Island. I ran the Line Division, and my LPO was an AT2, name Mchale. Our Div. Officer was great. He allowed me to run my division as I saw fit, and never bothered me. If I had a need to discuss something with my Div "O", then I went looking for him; otherwise, he stayed out of MY Line Shack. Petty Officer McHale made things happen for me. If I told him I wanted something done, he did it, period. If I needed something for the division, McHale "procured it"; and I never asked him where he got it! My Line Division, in the four years I ran it, never had a sailor go to Captain's Mast; something unheard of for a Line Division. In fact, the division got voted the Division of the Quarter more than once.

 

My last six months in the Navy were a joy, thanks to my LPO. McHale is now a AT1, assigned to a unit in Hawaii. He got passed over for CPO this year, which is a shame. He deserves to be a Chief, in my opinion. His problem is that he won't keep his mouth shut. I have repeatedly told him that once he makes CPO, he can say pretty much what he wants. But opening his mouth too much now, only upsets the khakis, and they don't like it. And so, his chances for selection to CPO are now dim.

 

But Chiefs make things happen with the help of a good LPO, and a Division Officer who lets their Division CPO do their job.

 

That's a fact.

 

Navychief

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Hey Seawolf, loved the link. My sides are still sore, hehe. :)

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Guest Schizo

I'm going to piss a few people off but here it comes and if you don't like it hang me because I refuse to sell out my morals to fit in this site and I'm not worried of the ramifications. I'll stand by my views and I won't change them regardless of what is "popular" on this site. I don't need your acceptance and if I disagree with you I'm going to let you know! If you don't like it kiss it! Give me the opportunity to kick your butt in MP unless your afraid of losing to what you percieve as a lower life form? CMDR. Whipple KILLED 19 people and was HONORABLY DISCHARCHED?

If you agree with this let me know? I hope he honorably sleeps at night?

He's responsible for 19 lives and hope he can live with it?

 

Jim

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Who is CDR. Whipple? I dont recall him ever being mentioned.

 

mmmmm.... perhaps its schizophrenia* :D

 

Oh, Schizo, you dont have to make a declaration when you have a disagreement.

 

As for morals on this site.... I dont have any :D .

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Whoa! :blink: Somebody has been drinking the bong water again. We have no clue what your talking about, sure your in the right thread?

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I just tried looking for this Whipple character (online).

 

There was a Cpt. Whipple, who was born in England, and died in Providence town in 1685.

 

Another Whipple, was a Commodore, or a Commander (dont remember), but apparently he was the dude that got Johnny Appleseed started on his little idea.

 

With this info, I am now even more confused than before.

 

Please schizo, enlighten us.

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People on 'ludes shouldn't post.

 

Hey Seawolf, you do know that the AW is the natural prey of the untamed AO?.

All in fun, we'er all brother Airdales B)

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You got it FireHawk. I learned real fast to leave that stuff alone.lol I'll just stick to winding magnatic tapes and resetting circuit breakers. LMAO ;)

Edited by Seawolf

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Guest Schizo

Hey you guys,

 

Sorry about that last post everybody. I was EXTREMELY DRUNK and thats usually when I post something angrily stupid. I misinterpreted something I read and had been on my (no lie!) 15th 16oz. Miller Lite cans. Had three left in the fridge and I had three six packs of them when I started. Sorry if pissed anyone off and trust me I paid for it today. I don't even remember where I got the misintepretation from? Boy I'm hurting, but I just wanted to let everyone know what was up and apologize.

 

Hungover and embarrassed,

Schizo

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Hey! that was only once, and I contained myself lastnight... thankfully, otherwise I may have understood, and perhaps agreed with schizo :P

 

..... seagram's 7..... you bring a smile to my face :D

 

However, I will give props to schizo for being able to type while intoxicated.

Edited by snapple2993

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OK, ok, I got a couple good ones...

 

What do you call a bunch of 2nd LT's standing around in a circle?

 

A dope ring!

 

Why did the 2nd LT write TGIF on his boots?

 

It means Toes Go In First!

 

 

HAHAHAHAHA

 

This one time, I asked a 2nd Looie for some headlight fluid and he fell for it!

He said "I'm sorry Corperal, the supply Sgt. said he was all out. I guess you'll have to find something else." - dumbass

 

Oh, the laughter! Comedy goldmine!

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Guest Schizo

Hey Snap,

 

I still understood what you posted :D that time. Or at least %80 of it. What amazed me is that you were still up that late after all that partying.

 

Snap,

I did do it one other time but on that one I'm too embarrassed to mention it :D :D :D .

 

Schizo

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