If WW1 was a Bar Fight

[UK_Widowmaker 571]

If World War One was a bar Fight...

 

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint.

Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg.

Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view.

Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.

Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria's trousers.

Russia and Serbia look at Austria.

Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at.

Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.

Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.

Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene.

Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?

Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action.

Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium.

Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.

Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.

France and Britain punch Germany.

Austria punches Russia.

Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other.

Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over.

Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there.

Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.

Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back.

There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it.

France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.

Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway.

Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.

America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.

By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

[+Dave 2,321]

That is classic and its still Germany's fault.

[Olham 164]

Hey - nobody explained it to me this way before - didn't know it was so easy to understand!

Edited November 4, 2010 by Olham

[UK_Widowmaker 571]

Most things in Life are fairly simple...War doubly so

[Olham 164]

Two horrible wars may have resulted in a more co-existing Europe, and the absence of wars.

We gained the incredible freedom to be able to smile about such a joke.

Our grandfather couldn't have.

 

I celebrate that quite often, not with drinks, but just in mind - that I can enjoy flying a sim about it,

instead of suffering through a real war. Let's keep that in mind, and let's enjoy it!

[UK_Widowmaker 571]

Absolutely!...It has to be remembered as the terrible event it was...I buy my Poppy every year as well, but god forbid that mankind loses it's sense of Humour too...it's often the only thing that keeps a person sane, in a completely insane world

[Slartibartfast 153]

Absolutely!...It has to be remembered as the terrible event it was...I buy my Poppy every year as well, but god forbid that mankind loses it's sense of Humour too...it's often the only thing that keeps a person sane, in a completely insane world

 

Insane you say I thought that was just part and parcel of being English or is it just me... and as to humour there is always amusement and laughter somewhere but to me the more the merrier...

 

Back to the topic thats a good way of putting it I have seen it before and still makes me smile... provided we remember the wars and the mistakes that led to them we will never forget. We must always remember the mistakes so we don't make them again.

Edited November 4, 2010 by Slartibartfast

[Creaghorn 10]

do i have a dejavu or didn't somebody post the same barfight explanation several weeks ago? am i getting insane?

[Olham 164]

The word "sane" or "insane" always make me suspicious; who makes the measures for that?

I would say, mankind is quite crazy, but we have the choice to be "positively crazy".

That means for me, rather to write a song like "I'm the Walrus" than laying out landmines.

[Slartibartfast 153]

I will ask this question then...

 

Why is it that a Sane man can declare you insane, yet an Insane man cannot declare you sane by law... surely the insane man can declare you sane as he has had more experience...?

[Olham 164]

The problem is that "law" is mostly put higher than common sense: made by bureaucrats and politicians, it is often insane in itself - IMHO.

[Slartibartfast 153]

The problem is that "law" is mostly put higher than common sense: made by bureaucrats and politicians, it is often insane in itself - IMHO.

I have worked for the government and now work for a law firm and you insanity is very very high on the list...

[Olham 164]

A lawyer is a man who can read AND interprete law.

Therefor he is capable to explain a native red Indian, that the land he lived on since hundreds of generations

does not belong to him, cause he has no document, that says whom he bought it from.

[UK_Widowmaker 571]

And, of course... A lawyer get's buried at eight feet under, instead of the usual six feet under, when they Die...because Deep Down...they're nice people!

[Slartibartfast 153]

Why don't Sharks eat Lawyers ???

 

Professional Courtesy

 

This is the sign on the IT office door... I know because I put it there...

[Olham 164]

Well, let's not insult sharks here - they have no choice what to be.

[tranquillo 10]

do i have a dejavu or didn't somebody post the same barfight explanation several weeks ago? am i getting insane?

 

Dejavu, I've heard that somewhere before. Yes, you're quite right Creaghorn.

And what's this all about, solicitors being like sharks. Solicitors are like nothing else on earth.

[NS13Jarhead 6]

Inspired by the first post, some of my office mates and I decided to do World War II as a bar fight as well.

 

After the last bar fight, America decides that it needs to be the bartender and bouncer and moves behind the bar.

Germany comes to and sees everyone drinking with his money and sees Austria sitting in the corner by himself.

Germany, angry that Britain, France, and America took his wallet grabs Austria and makes him stand next to him.

Germany then does the same to Czechoslovakia.

On the other side of the room, Japan punches China. After a while, America tells them to knock it off.

Germany signs a bar napkin telling Britain that he is done moving people over to his side of the room.

Germany sucker punches Poland, claiming that Poland started it.

Russia says he will help and ends up punching Poland from the other side.

France and Britain begin swinging at Germany. Germany pushes Britain through the door and knocks him into the pool. France is also shoved through the door, but comes back in wearing a new beret and decides to hang out with Germany.

For no apparent reason, Russia slaps Finland.

Italy gets into a fight over the toys in the sandbox out back, gets a bloody nose and cries to Germany for help.

Germany and Britain get into a tug of war over Italy’s sandbox.

Britain and Germany begin throwing rocks at each others’ houses.

Because Russia helped him with beating up Poland, Germany sucker punches Russia.

While everybody is looking at Germany and Britain, Japan puts China into a headlock and begins punching his head.

America tells Japan to knock it off and tells him he’s had too much to drink and he’s cut off.

Japan jumps over the bar and punches America. And Britain. And France. And the Netherlands.

Germany shakes his fist at America and makes a rude noise.

America jumps into Germany’s sandbox and falls flat on his ass. Italy laughs at him.

Because America is mad at Germany, America punches Italy.

America, Canada, and Britain rip off France’s new beret and punch Germany.

America, Britain and Australia gang up and start shoving Japan back into a corner on the other side of the room.

Germany taps America on the shoulder and says, “What’s that over there in the snow?” Then he kicks America in the behind when he’s not looking.

Everyone piles on Germany until he passes out.

America hits Japan in the face with a baseball bat like Capone did in “The Untouchables”. Twice.

As Japan is on his way to the floor, Russia shakes his fist at Japan, thinking he’s joined the fight and that he’ll be able to go through Japan’s wallet after the fight’s over.

After Japan and Germany wake up, America, France, Britain, and Russia move into Germany’s House. America also moves into Japan’s house.

America buys drinks for Germany and Japan until everyone is happy again.

Edited November 4, 2010 by NS13Jarhead

[+Dave 2,321]

And who said history was hard?

[RAF_Louvert 101]

.

 

Everyone's happy, except for North Korea who feels it's been completely ignored all along and decides to do something about it by pulling the chair out from under South Korea.

 

At this point things suddenly turn cold between America and Russia and they each think something is up with the other so they start skulking around in the dark corners of the bar to try and see what the other might be up to. They've also decided that it's time to get the baseball bats out again, just to have handy in case the other tries to start something, which leads America and Russia to both go looking for the biggest bats they can find.

 

 

And no Creaghorn, you are not having deja vu. We have had this same basic thread before: WWI Explained as a Bar Fight ... Part 1

 

Still funny too.

 

Cheers!

 

Lou

 

.

[Olham 164]

At least one thing is missing in the first bar fight story in post #1.

That is the secret talks between Britain and Russia, and the British promise to assist Russia with it's fleet in the Baltic Sea,

when Russia should get into war with Germany.

That was, before the war broke out, and it was first totally denied towards the Germans by Gray.

It is a point, that would make every nation nervous, that finds itself already surrounded by three states,

that have alliance pacts with each other.

 

Perhaps someone can flick it into the story.