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macelena

How i almost became a Darwin award nominee

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Allright, just happened as i´m posting:

 

I came happy back home this morning, after buying two bars of bread and...well, a box of profilactics. Home, the only other person was my grandmom, wich is living with us as she recovers from a cancer surgery a few weeks ago. So i proceeded to remove my navy style, hard plastic wind cutting coat, but the zipper was jammed at the neck. So i pulled it all out, and the coat, but couldn´t pull the head out, it was closed to narrow. It was wrapped around my neck, looked just like a Mae West life-saving vest.

 

So, i went downstairs, where my granny, wich was a taylor, could have told me anything about the zipper or something, just to find her talking to the phone and watching the cooking channel. A couple of cigarettes later, having learned about ways of cooking onion and that my grandma was about to stay a long time talking and watching TV, i walked to the kitchen, got the scissors she just used to cut open a chicken, and tried to cut out the zipper.

 

The scissors broke, and it was a close call to my arteries...too close for comfort. So i covered my neck with hard clothes in the narrow gap the coat left and went to the garage, wearing my Mae West coat, to get a couple of two-hand grass shears, and cutted the zipper to pieces.

 

When i got back to the living room, my grandma was still talking on the phone and watching TV, so i phoned my girlfriend to tell her about having the "ammo" and the whole coat incident,just to get her ROFLing at me. Half an hour after i made it home, my granny shouted me from downstairs, and i got smoked for breaking the scissors and tearing the coat in half.

Edited by macelena

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you almost ended like that grandma's chicken :yikes:wide open

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You were right folks, day was not over. Damn first item out of the box broke upon use. The next 20 minutes until the day is over are gonna be long. At least grandma is asleep.

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Hopefully, all's well that ends well, Mac. Can you just imagine yourself in the waiting room of Heaven, with your hand still on your broken scissors into a frightening wound, and you still stuck into your soaking red jammed coat? Sitting between the roasted moron who tried to detect a gas leak with a lighter, and the disgusting jerk who gave a laxative to an elephant and stood behind to wait for the result? With The Father & Son & Holy Ghost receiving you all with a triple face palm?

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Allright, i survived that first day. Second day (yesterday) i had to sprint 1300 meters (just checked google maps) chasing a BUS because, as it wasn´t the same bus as usually and i was tying my shoelaces when it passed by.

 

Later that day i was attending a party, when a girl hit me from behind, dropped her beer all over her shirt, got mad at me and wouldn´t let me go. My girlfriend saw me with Miss Wet Shirt "dancing" and went nuts. Anyone knows anything about Voodoo?

Edited by macelena

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I'd just crawl under the stairs and wait for this sh*t to blow over if I was you m8!!! :lol:

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Allright, nothing remarkable lately. It seems my goofy streak is over... by now...

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