Oh, vet stories from the Great Rodent War? Me wants in!
Turns out we had a cold wave or something this winter. It snowed after like 70 years on Cartagena, my hometown, on the shore of the mediterranean. I was in the dining room with my family and girlfriend, recovering after screwing up my collarbone, when i saw that big ass rat crawling by the chimney, taking shelter from the cold or something. When i called it up, everybody scrambled out of the room, while i came unto the rodent, to, say befriend it. Having the civilians evacuated to the kitchen, this limp paratrooper, with the encouragement, moral support and technical advise of out family Navy representative (dad), got to kill the rat. After having my airsoft G36 jam on me (had neglected it for about 2 years to be fair) and trying to impale it with a walking cane, i had to crush it under my boot. The psycoest fun i had during sick leave that winter.
However, it did not end there. The rat had dug a hole in the lawn and i was concerned that it may be a sanctuary to more RatCharlies, so i decided to napalm the shit out of it. My parents just were about to pave it anyway, so they told me to leave it alone. But like i said, i was bored to hell. So when they were both at work, i went out shopping and came back with a bottle of zippo gas and a box of firecrakers. The biggest i found, they were like dynamite sticks. So a poured the bottle of gas down the hole and dropped one of the firecrackers. I didn´t here it thump, only had a burst of flames erupt from the hole and lots of smoke coming up from the ground. The stench was unbearable. The little kids of the Moroccan family across the street, wich should have been at school, were laughing their asses looking from their window, while i was pumped out with this "fuckfuckfuck i did it again" feeling.
I hosed down the hole trying to put the smoke out, only to have it turn from black to white, a dense, even stinkier cloud of steam coming up. It was taking forever. Just as i had this feeling "somebody saw me do it, or is just about to" i had this lovely granny, a couple of houses down the street, walk by back from buying some groceries and stop to chat, asking me about my injury "Nah, im doing better" while i pretend to be watering the grass wich still had some snow on it while casually ignoring the cloud of smoke flying a block away, the stench and the puffs of smoke coming out of the ground.