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Fates

Halloween Public Service Announcment

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A Halloween Safety Public Service Announcement.

 

As we all prepare for this Halloween season, please take a few minutes to read some simple rules to help keep everyone safe.

 

1. - Don't assume the telephone calls are coming from another house.

 

2. - When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

 

3. - Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

 

4. - Don't go into the basement to check the power when the lights go out.

 

5. - If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with somebody else's voice.

 

6. - When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER split up and go it alone.

 

7. - Don't have sex. Especially if you've noticed a few of your friends are missing!

 

8. - As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open a portal to Hell.

 

9. - Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.

 

10. - If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, don't stand there sighing with relief, GET THE f*** OUT!

 

11. - If appliances start operating by themselves, don't check for short circuits; JUST GET THE f*** OUT!

 

12. - Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

 

13. - If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.

 

14. - Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.

 

15. - If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely ambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

 

16. - If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.

 

17. - Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.

 

18. - If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange because you thought you had a full tank of gas, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and will most likely be eaten.

 

19. - Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.

 

20. - If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.

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A good guide Fates, I will certainly keep my eyes peeled.

 

21. - If you are a female and see a monster wandering aimlessly that hasn't seen you yet, don't scream as per usual whilst putting your hands on the cheeks of your face, just keep the f*** quiet.

Edited by bibbolicious

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Guest Saganuay82

22. When sitting at the table and eating after a monster has been stuck to your face for a few hours and a tube down your throat and you start to get indigestion........

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23. If you ever think your going to incounter a vampire ALWAYS wear a turtle neck, scarf, or raise the lapels of your jacket. If you do not own either and see a bottle of tobasco sause feel free to poor that all over your neck.... Thatle stop him real quick ;)

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2. - When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.

 

The proper proceedure here would be to shoot it at least 5 more times and then hit it in the crotch with a well seasoned hickory axe handle.

That way if it isn't dead yet, at the very least it probably won't be able to get up and chase you for quite some time.

 

WOLF

Edited by WOLF257

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19. - Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions.

 

.....but he's got Bud Light........

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Guest Saganuay82

Yeah but American beer and sex in a canoe ya know? Are you really losing out? :)

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Yeah but American beer and sex in a canoe ya know? Are you really losing out? :)

 

I guess you had to see the commercial.

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Yeah but American beer and sex in a canoe ya know? Are you really losing out? :)

 

I'm fairly certain that my drunk, naked, fat a$$ trying to get it on in a canoe is enought to scare away boogie man/ax murderer. :biggrin:

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25. Never stay for dinner at someone's house if they don't have any food in the fridge and the cupboads. Politely decline and GET THE f*** OUTA THERE!

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26. If the child you are babysitting starts talking to the closet, don't look in the closet, JUST GET THE F*** OUT.

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