+Deuces 0 Posted August 21, 2009 I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter? There is a great need for sarcasm font. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. Was learning cursive really necessary? Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart". I love the sense of camaraderie when a n entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers! Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies" While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night." "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever. While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Dave 2,318 Posted August 21, 2009 Pretty much can't argue any of that. At all. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sparkchaser2010 24 Posted August 22, 2009 damn, now that's funny LOL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SayethWhaaaa 245 Posted August 22, 2009 There is a great need for sarcasm font. I can't begin to emphasise how much of an understatment that is! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Fates 63 Posted August 22, 2009 There is a great need for sarcasm font. http://www.glennmcanally.com/sarcastic/ Sarcastic Font Usage Guide Tips * Use to your own natural level of sarcasm. (note that a sharp rise in the use of sarcasm may change one's circle of friends) * Unless you're writing a long sarcastic rant, it's most effective to highlight a phrase or two in a sarcastic font than to write an entire note in it. * Bold a sarcastic font for really sarcastic comments. * A sarcastic font is especially useful when writing to others in a foreign language. They may not understand what you're saying, but they'll know it's sarcastic. Examples Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Deuces 0 Posted August 23, 2009 Nice find Fates A few more: How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other? Bad decisions make good stories. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Dave 2,318 Posted August 23, 2009 How many feet of cordless extension cord does one buy? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ONETINSOLDIER 2 Posted August 24, 2009 How many feet of cordless extension cord does one buy? 42 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
eraser_tr 29 Posted August 24, 2009 Why don't they include sales tax in the price advertised and make life easier? You really can blame the British for anything. I'm not superstitious, just a little stitious. People wonder why I don't eat homemade chicken, but will eat chicken from any restaurant "when I don't know what's really in it". Maybe I actually hate chicken and like the taste of whatever they actually put into their dishes? A few more. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
firehawkordy 34 Posted August 25, 2009 I have found that: Love is not free, but companionship can be rented out at about $40 US. The world needs more ditch diggers and less lawyers. The second you get into a faster lane of traffic it slows down and you realize that you just missed your exit ramp. Nothing good ever comes from Cherry Bombs and whiskey. In times of great danger even a real man should know when to run like a b**h. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Deuces 0 Posted August 26, 2009 Whiteout the movie, Kate Beckinsale in a parka? No thanks. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Deuces 0 Posted August 28, 2009 Why does the Kool Aid guy need to wear pants? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Jarhead1 27 Posted August 28, 2009 Why do u park in a driveway and drive on a parkway? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JediMaster 451 Posted August 31, 2009 Why is it a pair of panties, but just one bra? Why does cargo go by ship, but shipments by trucks? How can you have a hot water heater, when you don't need to heat hot water? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
