Post random things thread

[hrc 156]

Nasty!!!

[RogerSmith 72]

[B52STRATO 215]

To understand this we must go back to the foundation of the "Dorarian People".

(sorry, I just found it with Fr subtiles)

[hrc 156]

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

 

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

 

"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

 

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

 

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender."

 

*******************************

 

MALE PROCEDURE:

 

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

*******************************

 

FEMALE PROCEDURE:

 

Unfortunately, most of this part is the Truth.!!!!

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 26, 2013 by hrc

[B52STRATO 215]

The so true 27th point ends me

Next comparison should focus on elderly or retired people, and the "youngers" at the toll highway !

[MigBuster 2,861]

haha #27

[hrc 156]

To be hones I once drove with parking brake on. I had this really old car, and i thought; man this can is slower every day!

[B52STRATO 215]

It also happened once to me onboard a last generation Daihatsu Terios, cause the precdent (female) user just put the first break rank, wich was nearly undetectable...

[Atreides 144]

The young men & pregnancy test

 

Noooo way she looks ok and who would boink god damn Skeletor ? But yeah the inbred looks funny. Must be from South Dakota !

 

To understand this we must go back to the foundation of the "Dorarian People".

 

Lol that's funny and sad. Sad cause it's true that the Spainish believe they brought Christ to these so called heathens uugghh and th atrocities..Oh well they got it hard from the Moors. Payback sucks.

Edited January 27, 2013 by Atreides

[B52STRATO 215]

 

Must be from South Dakota !

 

 

Gotcha !

[macelena 1,070]

Lol that's funny and sad. Sad cause it's true that the Spainish believe they brought Christ to these so called heathens uugghh and th atrocities..Oh well they got it hard from the Moors. Payback sucks.

 

Why payback? The Natives weren´t in fault of the Moors wich we had just expelled. Besides, somebody had to stop those evil Caribes, Aztecs, Incas and such. Repent, indian mofos.

Edited January 27, 2013 by macelena

[B52STRATO 215]

When I see that here statues of Arawaks Aborigines were erected because they are considered as extermined by the "Outer-Atlantic demons". Should it be noted that these aborigines have killed, raped and planted on stakes heads of much older tribes and pacifist settlers of the time ? This sickly cowardice abounds in the local culture insists to make you feel guilty, and with the support of the State public education.

[+Brain32 265]

To be hones I once drove with parking brake on. I had this really old car, and i thought; man this can is slower every day!

 

Oh that's still ok, I was actually pushing my car with the handbrake on...was thinking about how weak I was that day

[Nesher 629]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCesbayxmyg

[Atreides 144]

 

Repent, indian mofos.

 

Lmfao yes those Aztecs Indians etc were building a sizeable fleet to sail on and invade spain eh ? Thank god for scum like the conquistadors for hitting them first pffft whatever I'm done.

[macelena 1,070]

Done and wrong. I doubt any later invasion or colonization had a better excuse. Ask their neighbours.

[hrc 156]

Translation: Who ate all the Nutella?

[B52STRATO 215]

One day... I will be a Hero...

[Atreides 144]

The He-Man is wrong dear invisible, non-existant being up in the sky why ? Cos play gone wrong.

[B52STRATO 215]

I firstly found Machine-Gun rather successful for a box costume, but the toilet paper shot instead of the mini-gun really spoils...

[B52STRATO 215]

Does the world gone worst ?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzrXSFriDmo

[RogerSmith 72]

I'm a Senior Member, F*** yeah

[B52STRATO 215]

Celebrations ! With a little joke between friends !

[hrc 156]

Why I fired my secretary . .

 

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."

I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember.

My kids came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

 

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss,

Happy Birthday!"

It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"

 

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined

instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and

I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

 

On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day...We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

 

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,"Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok." I nervously replied.

 

She went into the bedroom and after a couple of minutes, she came out

carrying a huge birthday cake ...

Followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all

singing "Happy Birthday".

 

And I just sat there...On the couch...Naked.

[Gr.Viper 131]

Mystery solved