In fact because of what my mom did, it shaped a lot of who I am now. Never suffered from depression until she killed herself. I could deal with life better than I do now. I wasn't as angry as I feel all the time. Life was better before she killed herself at age 52. My mom and I were close. But because of what she did, she can not see Glendon and Joe (my sons) as they are now. She never got to see her twin granddaughters. Suicide never has been and never will be an answer. Because of what she did I am still paying for it now. I want to know why she did it, I want to know why God let it happen. I want to know why my sister, brother and father who were with her all the time, knew how bad her depression had gotten and failed to tell me.
So many of you want to know why I walk around with a chip on my shoulder, that is why. There is no getting over it and moving on. Doesn't work like that at all. Losing a relative to car accident, to a disease etc is terrible enough. But to lose your mother because she did it with her own hand is a tragedy and it hangs over my head everyday.