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Ryan H

WWI explained as a bar fight.

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Not trying to offend anyone, just thought this was too funny not to share :grin: (please read with a light heart and a sense of humor)


WWI explained as a Bar Fight.


(I did steal this from another forum though)


Germany, Austria and Italy are stood together in the middle of the bar, when Serbia bumps into Austria, and spills Austria's pint.


Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit, because there are splashes on its trouser leg.


Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view


Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.


Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for cleaning Austria's trousers.


Russia and Serbia look at Austria.


Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at.


Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.


Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.


Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene.


Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?


Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action.


Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium.


Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.


Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.


France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other.


Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.


Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings, because Britain made Australia do it.


France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.


Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.


America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.


By now all the chairs are broken, and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

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Germany wakes up in a gutter behind the bar, and he is pissed off as hell. He vows to take it out on his neighbor, Poland.


He hits Poland with his left fist and saves his dominate hand for France and the Low Countries. Germany swings and knocks France clean out, but in his follow through he clips Russia.


Britain tries to deliver and as powerful blows as it can from a corner while Germany pummels through Russia.


Though Russia and Germany both started to fight drunk, the fight's lasted so long that Russia is sobering up while Germany is continuing to tire.


America comes up behind Germany while Russia is beating Germany back and kicks Germany in the kidneys.


Russia follows Germany to the ground and delivers a knock out while Britain throws a beer glass at Germany.


America reaches out to shake Russia's hand but ends up getting stared down instead....



Edited by exhausted

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'Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.'


Ok ... so now I have to explain to the office why I unsuccessfully tried to stifle a massive guffaw!

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Everybody says it's time to cool down, except for North Korea who feels it's been completely ignored all along and decides to do something about it by pulling the chair out from under South Korea.


At this point things have gotten so cold between America and Russia that they both think something is up with the other and they each start skulking around in the dark corners of the bar to try and see what the other might be up to. They've also decided that it's time to get the baseball bats out, just to have handy in case the other tries to start something again, which leads America and Russia to both go looking for the biggest bats they can find.



This is all quite hilarious BTW. :rofl:







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Good stuff.


But we forgot the part where America pulls out the only gun in the bar and shoots Japan in the face, twice. Suddenly everybody wants to buy America a drink except the USSR, who quickly figures out how to make their own gun and threatens to point it at America. America pulls out a second gun and points both of them at USSR. USSR returns in kind. The remainder of the drama plays out while both America and USSR pull out bigger and bigger guns to point at one another until the USSR is no longer strong enough to support the weight of it's guns and collapses under the weight of it's weapons.


Japan, meanwhile, survives it's wounds by using band-aids provided by the United States and decides to not only renouce the use of guns, but of fist fighting altogether. They then get filthy rich by building and selling cheap cars to America so they can get to the bar using less gas, which gives them more money to buy beer with.



Edited by Hellshade

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The whole thing sounds like Marx Brothers vs Three Stooges.

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Thanks I enjoyed this thread immensely.


The sad reality is War is just as ludicrous as the bar fight and often wages on issues that can be rationalised and settled in a single court action or a hand shake, instead of war, yet the end result is death destruction and mayhem that has impact on people and families, infrasructure and civilisation for generations... and generations ...and so it goes.




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See? I knew going to school was a waste of time. I 'king knew it! ....:drinks:

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