My letter to CombatAce community and thank you everyone

[+Eagle114th 617]

Hello everyone,

 

This is the first time I am writing a letter to the people and the communities that I enjoyed being part of throughout my life.  I want to write this before anything may happen to my vision.  I went to the eye doctor, and he told me that I have between 10 to 20 years before I might go blind.   As you can imagine a big shock for me.  I decided to just quickly write a story about my life.  That way I can have no regrets.

 

 As you can see, what I have is known as Usher Syndrome, which led to the loss of my part vision and deafness.  Hence, I am deaf with low vision.   I am also legally deafblind since I can’t see well in dark.

 

So many challenges have been achieved throughout my life.  When I was a young boy, I had two big dreams; To go to Japan and to be a Navy fighter pilot.  Obviously, I could not be a Navy fighter pilot and that is where simulation comes in.

 

Initially, it was found out that I am deaf during baby age, but my vision situation wasn’t found out until very much later in my life at the age of 16.  It was a big shock for me.  I was even told that I am going blind eventually as soon as I reach adulthood (the 20s to 30s of the age).  You can imagine how scared I was, thinking my life was in ruin.  My world was turned upside.  My father always taught me to dream big, no matter what the situation.  I had two choices: To live for my dream and try again or to give up and live in a dark world.  I chose the first one and decided to try anyway.  This led me to achieved what was considered impossible.

 

There were always challenges to face, without any breaks in between.  In the educational world, when I was in an elementary school, they treated me like I wasn’t smart because of my deafness.  They refused to give me an equal opportunity of education as other children.  Fortunately, the teacher told my parent about it and my parent fought the hardest for my right to have an education like everyone else.  When I was transferred to another school, I was the only deaf boy in the entire school. It was a scary world.  Decided to give it a try and made a few friends, that was when I started teaching sign language for the first time (At age of 9). 

 

Having never given up, I had to re-learn the 4^th grade to the previous grade in one year to catch up with everyone and it was achieved.  Into the High school, never given up, kept trying on and made it to graduate my high school.

 

During high school, even with my limited vision, I joined the swimming team, a tennis game (Oh my god, I HATE THAT game.  It was such pain trying to spot fast-moving balls), slotput / disc throw, and Tae kwon Do.   And for my hobby at home, I could never stop flying ancient simulations.  It was Jane’s series simulation!  Even though I could not be real navy fighter pilot, simulation was perfect for me.  I loved learning about various military aircraft and fly them virtually. 

 

When I got to university, I go through many challenges again.  It was a socializing challenge, as well as learning subjects.  What doesn’t help was being burnt out from too many studies and hard work.  I gave up from time to time but tried again.  I had good and not good teachers.  I had many ups and downs.  Made many mistakes and learned from them.  There were so many things I wanted to do but did not have the courage to do because of busy trying to study and pass classes. 

 

Here were the big dreams I wanted to do throughout my life:

-          Successfully living and working in awesome company in Japan

-          Marry a wonderful woman

-          Write the fictional books for simulation or game

-          Write the stories for manga

-          Have my own gaming development company

-          Live a happy life without losing my vision

 

After changing my major from aeronautical engineering to computer science, it has taken me 10 years to finish university.  Even though it took me that long to finish, I still achieved getting a degree in computer science.

 

Right after the university, did my best to look for the jobs, and got declined due to my sensory disabilities.  Bless my parent, they sent me to Japan as my graduation gift.  That was the best gift in my life.  Took the opportunity to go to Japan for the first time.  It was a challenging and fun journey going through Tokyo alone most of the time.  I stayed in an apartment for 2 and half months.  I was lucky to be able to figure out how to communicate with the apartment company.  For your information, I do not have the ability to speak well.  I use body language and gesture to communicate with people who do not know any sign language.  My primary sign language is ASL (American Sign Language).  Right now, I can read some Japanese (basic) and can hold the communication in JSL (Japanese Sign Language).

 

After 3 months of my stay in Japan and returning to the USA, it feels like I was stuck.  Nowhere to go because companies often do not give me an opportunity to work for them, even though I hunted for many jobs.  I still was fortunate enough to work for my family’s business which gave me a lot of experience.  (My family is awesome!  They always have my back!)

 

Then comes the 2^nd opportunity for me to go back to Japan for 2 months.  After that, I decided I am going to try and make a difference in my experience, despite that I couldn’t get jobs.  I never forget that day when I was staying in Japan twice as a tourist.  I would always keep that experience inside my mind and heart.  Seeing people walking around happily, seeing the tall buildings, and seeing myself being successful there.  I vowed to make it happen someday. 

Fortunately, I bumped into a new friend of mine in America.  She gave me an opportunity to work as a volunteer for a non-profit organization.  I decided to give it a try.  3 years later, I was contacted by a company in Tokyo with a job offer of teaching ASL.  Even though it wasn’t related to gaming development or computer-related jobs, I decided to give it a try because it is what will lead me to the next steps toward successfully living in Japan.  I have been teaching sign language since I was 9, so I had enough experience to do my best there.

 

To my surprise, working in Tokyo was the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life.  So many challenges and unexcepted things happening that require me to put a lot of effort into it. Having gone through the sleepless nights, I worked very hard for 2 years straight.  Their ways of culture in the work are very different from America for sure!  After my contract ended, I was only given 3 months to find a new job before my VISA no longer become valid.  Worked very hard looking for the jobs and have gone through various interviews.  To my surprise, unlike before, I got a lot of interviews for computer-related jobs!  Unfortunately, they told me they found someone else with more experience than me.  The closest one I got the job was from an apple company.  With the time running out and the unknown of the future, I would still never give up envisioning myself being successful.

 

Thank to my wonderful friend who owns a tavern, they gave me a part-time job as a website developer and interpreter (ASL to JSL).  Did my best there and that is when I met a wonderful woman of my life too.  With the coronavirus going on, a lot of companies started closing and my journey to find a full-time job in computer-related jobs did not yet happen.

 

 

After being married to my wonderful woman and moving to Fukushima from Tokyo, continued to do my best with the jobs hunting, got various interviews, and then got declined many times again.  With that, decided to try something new.  Started doing graphic work as a hobby which led me into creating many things such as menus, short video promotions, and other kinds of graphic works for fun.  It made me happy.  Then you can guess, it led me into making the mods for SF2.  One of them is a new screen/menu for SF2 inspired by Jane’s Fighter Anthology!  And at the same time, one of my old dreams is being realized when I started writing a book about the fictional nations (Saad / Zafir) for SF2.  That gave me so many joys!  Many new skills were developed from it which I believe would be very helpful for the computer-related jobs too!

 

My wife and I made the big goal of moving back to Tokyo someday and then the news hit me a few days ago.  The eye doctor told me that I might go blind in 10 to 20 years.   That was a huge punch to my stomach, and I felt like the world crumpled around me temporarily and thanks to my wife, she got me pulling myself back together.  It wasn’t the first time I experienced this.  Back there during my high school time, when I was told that I might go blind by my 20s or 30s, it never happened.  I did not believe I would go blind and stayed with the belief I would still be able to preserve my vision.  That still happened to this very day.  I am going to continue staying with that kind of hope.  A miracle can happen.  However, as I said, just in case, if anything happens to my vision, I am happy I got this out of my chest and wanted to share with the community and the world about my life challenges.

 

Thank you everyone for my wonderful experiences of simulation and modding.  I will continue to work on SFAW mods slowly through time.  Have to make to rest my eyes every day too. 

 

 

Cheers

[Sokol 444]

Eagle,

you lead a very impressive life.

may I wish you all the best and the courage to keep up your fight for a good life.

sokol

[+GKABS 8,735]

I wish you a long healthy life and happiness my friend.

 

[tiopilotos 2,519]

What you have already achieved is admirable. Despite the limitations that this syndrome imposes, you keep trying to achieve your goals. At the end of the day this is what really counts, not just for you, for everyone. 

You have my deep respect, I wish you the best.

Konstantinos 

[bazillius 1,258]

Hold on pal. I know how is it to you. I have a scotoma in my left eye. The medical prognosis are different from clinic to clinic. From complete blindness to full recovery. I've been sick and cureing for the second year. Ah! And if you can try different clinics to avoid medical error! Communicate at least with 3 doctors! I know it myself. The first time I was given an injection (yes! exactly in the eye with a syringe) by the doctor himself and the second time by his assistant. Her hand trembled, and in addition to my disease, a retinal hemorrhage was added, which required additional treatment.

while you can see well, find out EVERYTHING about your illness yourself. So you can tell when the doctor is going to do some bullshit. It hapeens here there and everywhere. so know about your illness EVERYTHING!

PS. Now it will turns out that this is not a Simer players forum, but a support group for anonymous blind people. I know at least two people on this forum who have eye problems.  let's stand in a circle take hands in hands friends, and say that everything will be fine! :)

 

Edited April 17, 2022 by bazillius

[PFunk 198]

What I am seeing is a man who used his diagnosis as a fulcrum and an inspiration to lead an amazing and accomplished life.  I'm reading all of this and thinking, "this guy's story would make a hell of a book".  You have steadfastly refused to allow your condition to dictate the terms of life to you, and that makes you an extraordinary individual.  God bless you and your wife and my best wishes for you both.

[+Eagle114th 617]

I want to let everyone know I am back a while ago.  I am going to share what has happened to me since April (When I posted here).  It has been miracle experience.  I am never going to let doctors decide my fate ever again.  I am one who make the decision for myself, especially about my fate.

The reason why I visited the doctor is that I noticed something was wrong with my left vision.  it seem like I was having cataracts growing more and more.  It is what makes it more difficult to look at the computer screen or read anything.  Went to see an eye doctor. He told me that it wasn't cataracts and that my tunnel vision was getting smaller and that I have 10 to 20 years before I lost vision.   He especially told me that the effects I was seeing through my left vision is incurable, I had to get used to it.  

After going through days of intense fears, worrying, crying, anger, frustration, and desperation for finding a way to heal my vision.  My wife and I decided we would give it a try by doing anything we can do to heal my vision situations.  My left vision was getting more fuzzy, wavy (like water wavy), and blurry.  Then after that, my right eye fuzzy part was starting to grow slowly.  That was very scary!  I honestly thought I may have to give up my passions and hobbies.

However, my wife read a lot about which fruits and vegetables are good for the eye, then we start eating that everyday now.  I read the book about the miracle healing from this amazing person, Morris Goodman "The Miracle Man".  He was in a plane crash, the doctor told him his body would be a vegetable for the rest of his life.  He refused to trust the doctor and take the matter into his own hand.  He started believing his body is healed, despite any situation.  Months later, his body has gone through healing.  Then eventually he accomplished being able to walk and use his body again.

There was one situation I forgot as well.  My family told me that it wasn't the first time doctor told me that I was going blind and I ended up still seeing even with the tunnel vision.  Then it hit me, during my young age (High school), the doctor told me the exact same thing.  The doctors told me that I was going blind by 30 years old.  To this very day, I can still see because I refused to believe in doctors and assumed that my eyes are fine.   This is the result.

However,  back in my recent situation, I decided to use what is known as the "Placebo effect" by starting to believe that whatever I do and eat is good for my eyes and that my eye is healthy.  I prayed and meditated every day, took the time to relax, worked with the fears, and trusted the process.  We had no other choice but to give this the best chance.   It was a big leap of faith.  In the following weeks, I started to notice the improvement in vision incrementally.   Eventually later when I can finally read again, use the computer to do very light gaming, and a few simple modding for simulation / games, we were overjoyed!

Then eventually as soon my eyes no longer hurt when using a computer and bought a screen protector for blue light), I could read more and more now.  When looking at the line, they no longer appear wavy.  The wavy water effect in vision almost completely disappears.  Then to my surprise, could see more light entering my eyes, could see more lights even than many years ago.  Could see a bit more as if the tunnel were getting a bit wider.   The 'cataract" spot is just a tiny spot.  Won't stop until the eyes are completely healed, even until I could see the whole vision completely instead of tunnel vision. That's the goal!

I am still amazed by this miracle healing.  From now on, I am continuing to trust in the healing process with confidence and will never listen to the doctor again if they tell me if anything can't be healed.  This is why I am joyfully working on SFCE and SFAW mod projects steadily.  And unlike before, I take more rest often from time to time from the computer and enjoy secondary hobbies by going out to the cafe or meditating.  


Eagle114th

Edited June 2, 2022 by Eagle114th

[DreyAzzov 11]

Dude, i cried with you story. 

It`s absolutely nice to know that your doing better.

I wish you the best in your life!

 

[WangoTango 0]

You are a very brave man Eagle. I am very happy for you. Continued blessings.

[anunk47 369]

May GOD always bless You and Us too.. You'll never fly alone, Buddy!  

ah, I'm curious about your Manga.. feel free to share it too! I'm a "Otaku myself.. but not a mangaka.. 

It's a rollercoaster feeling reading your story, and how friends here reacted too.. Sad, happy and Inspiring.. all of you! 

Ganbatte, Ne.. Eagle-San!