Well, I've seen those a lot of times before, so I can't really vouch for their authenticity. But I can give you a couple right from the source.
We had a dead bird on the runway, the previous departure reported it. Northwest 1590 was coming up next so we let them know about it and that we'd have an Ops vehicle on the way out to take care of it. Northwest came back, "Thanks for the offer but we've already had lunch."
Yesterday I had a Southwest ready for push. He calls me, and in a thick Texan drawl says, "Ground, Southwest 284 here and I reckon we're ready to push."
Unable to resist I replied, "Southwest 284, ground, I reckon you can push back whenever you want."
Right after that the Skywest who'd already been pushing back calls up, "Ground, Skywest 812, I reckon we're ready to taxi."