+Dave 2,318 Posted April 19, 2007 Break in case of bad threads so...... Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GwynO 16 Posted April 19, 2007 Q: Whhhhhhat is the average velocity of a Swallow? A: Well that depends, is it an European Swallow or an African Swallow? Q: Huh? ohh bugger.. arghhh (Falls into a rather large hole) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Fates 63 Posted April 19, 2007 Bring me the Holy Hand Grenade!~ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Dave 2,318 Posted April 19, 2007 And the meek shall inherit the earth... Oh yeah right, what have the meek ever done? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
firehawkordy 34 Posted April 19, 2007 (edited) "Wait til Biggus Dickus hears about this." Edited April 19, 2007 by firehawkordy Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Fates 63 Posted April 19, 2007 Bring out your dead Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GwynO 16 Posted April 19, 2007 Bugger off! I'm stuffed O go on! It's only waffa thin Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Jarhead1 27 Posted April 19, 2007 U must bring me...................... a shrubbery Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FOTF 0 Posted April 19, 2007 I'm not a roman mum, I'm a kike, a yid, a heebie, a hook-nose, I'm kosher mum, I'm a Red Sea pedestrian, and proud of it! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaSpungie 1 Posted April 19, 2007 But I don't like spam!!!! this bird is dead no he's not he's sleeping Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Jimbib 688 Posted April 19, 2007 It's not pining, its passed on! This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be! Its expired and gone to meet its maker! This is a late parrot! This is an ex-parrot! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Caesar 305 Posted April 19, 2007 One...Two...Five! Three sir! Three! *BOOM* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Swordsman422 61 Posted April 19, 2007 What? Ridden on a horse?! Yes! You're using coconuts! What? You've got two empty coconut shells and you're bangin' 'em together! So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through... Where'd you get the coconuts? We found them. Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical! What do you mean? Well, this is a temperate zone! The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land! Are you suggesting coconuts migrate!? (Sorry, back from a recent viewing of Spamalot!) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DaSpungie 1 Posted April 19, 2007 oh I'm a a lumberjack and I'm ok I sleep all night and I work all day I chop down trees I eat my lunch I go to the lavatory Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Caesar 305 Posted April 19, 2007 What'sallthisthen? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Jarhead1 27 Posted April 19, 2007 What'sallthisthen? Your mother is a hamster and your father reeks of elderberries!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tank03 1 Posted April 19, 2007 We interrupt this program to annoy you and make things generally irritating. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tank03 1 Posted April 19, 2007 Mr Barnard: What do you want? Man: Well I was told outside that... Mr Barnard: Don't give me that, you snotty faced heap of parrot droppings! Man: What? Mr Barnard: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke you vacuous, toffy-nosed, malodorous pervert! Man: What? I came in here for an argument. Mr Barnard: Oh, oh oh I'm sorry, this is "abuse'. You want Room 12-A just along the corridor. Man: Oh sorry. Thank you very much, sorry, thank you. [shuts the door] Man: Stupid git. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JediMaster 451 Posted April 19, 2007 Right, right, that's enough. This thread has become very silly. Off you go, then! Hello!! Hello!!! Yes? Who eez eet? Whose castle is this? This is the castle of my master, Guy de Lombard! Go and tell your master that if he offers us food and shelter for the night that he may join us on our quest for the Holy Grail. Well, I'll ask eem, but I don't sink he'll be very keen. He's already got one. *I told them we've already got one!* *snicker* He's already got one?!?! Yes, eet's very nice. What did he say? He said they've already got one. Can we come up and see it? No! Why not? You are stupid English types! What are you then? I'm French! Why else would I have this outrageous accent?? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BUFF 8 Posted April 20, 2007 Is, uh,... Is your wife a goer, eh? Know whatahmean, know whatahmean, nudge nudge, know whatahmean, say no more? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
firehawkordy 34 Posted April 20, 2007 Are you insinuating something? Oh no, no, no, yes. Well..... You'er a man of the world squire, I mean, you've done it. What exactly do you mean? I mean you've, slept with a lady, Yes? What's it like? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JediMaster 451 Posted April 20, 2007 Half a bee, philosophically, must ipso facto half not-be. But half a bee has got to be vis a vis it's entity. Do you see? But can a bee be said to be or not to be an entire bee, When half the bee is not a bee, due to some ancient injury? G'day, Bruce! Oh, Hello Bruce! How are you Bruce? A bit crook, Bruce. Where's Bruce? He's not 'ere, Bruce. Blimey, it's hot in here, Bruce. Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum! That's a strange expression, Bruce. Well Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it. "It's hot enough to boil a monkey's bum in here, your Majesty," he said and she smiled quietly to herself. She's a good Sheila, Bruce, and not at all stuck up. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BUFF 8 Posted April 21, 2007 Immanuel Kant was a real pissant Who was very rarely stable. Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar Who could think you under the table. David Hume could out-consume Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel, [some versions have 'Schopenhauer and Hegel'] And Wittgenstein was a beery swine Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel. There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya 'Bout the raising of the wrist. Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed. John Stuart Mill, of his own free will, On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill. Plato, they say, could stick it away-- Half a crate of whisky every day. Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle. Hobbes was fond of his dram, And René Descartes was a drunken fart. 'I drink, therefore I am.' Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed, A lovely little thinker, But a bugger when he's pissed. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MigHound 0 Posted April 23, 2007 Arthur: Old Woman! Man: Man! Arthur: Man, sorry.... What knight lives in that castle over there? Man: I'm thirty-seven! Arthur: What? Man: I'm thirty-seven! I'm not old-- Arthur: Well I can't just call you "man"... Man: Well you could say "Dennis"-- Arthur: I didn't know you were called Dennis! Man: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?! Arthur: I did say sorry about the "old woman", but from behind, you looked-- Man: Well I object to your...you automatically treat me like an inferior! Arthur: Well I *am* king... Man: Oh, king, eh, very nice. And 'ow'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By 'angin' on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society. If there's ever going to be any progress,-- Woman: Dennis! There's some lovely filth down 'ere! Oh! 'Ow'd'ja do? Arthur: How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, king of the Britons. Whose castle is that? Woman: King of the 'oo? Arthur: King of the Britons. Woman: 'Oo are the Britons? Arthur: Well we all are! We are all Britons! And I am your king. Woman: I didn't know we 'ad a king! I thought we were autonomous collective. Man: You're fooling yourself! We're living in a dictatorship! A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes-- Woman: There you go, bringing class into it again... Man: That's what it's all about! If only people would-- Arthur: Please, *please*, good people, I am in haste! WHO lives in that castle? Woman: No one lives there. Arthur: Then who is your lord? Woman: We don't have a lord! Arthur: What?? Man: I *told* you! We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune! We're taking turns to act as a sort of executive-officer-for-the-week-- Arthur: Yes... Man: But all the decisions *of* that officer 'ave to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting-- Arthur: Yes I see! Man: By a simple majority, in the case of purely internal affairs-- Arthur: Be quiet! Man: But by a two-thirds majority, in the case of more major-- Arthur: BE QUIET! I *order* you to be quiet! Woman: "Order", eh, 'oo does 'e think 'e is? Arthur: I am your king! Woman: Well I didn't vote for you! Arthur: You don't vote for kings! Woman: Well 'ow'd you become king then? (holy music up) Arthur: The Lady of the Lake-- her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king! Man: Listen: Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some... farcical aquatic ceremony! Arthur: BE QUIET! Man: You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!! Arthur: Shut *UP*! Man: I mean, if I went 'round, saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bink had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away! Arthur: Shut up, will you, SHUT UP! Man: Aha! Now we see the violence inherent in the system! Arthur: SHUT UP! Man: Come and see the violence inherent in the system! HELP, HELP, I'M BEING REPRESSED! Arthur: Bloody PEASANT! Man: Oh, what a giveaway! Did'j'hear that, did'j'hear that, eh? That's what I'm all about! Did you see 'im repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bulldog 0 Posted April 23, 2007 I wasn't expecting a Spanish Inquisition... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
