The Official Chuck Norris CA Thread

[+Dave]

Chuck Norris is so bad ass, he got '24' canceled.

[serverandenforcer]

Chuck Norris is so bad ass, he got '24' canceled.

 

So... WWJBD? (what would Jack Bower do?)

[dsawan]

Col. Yen, you may not give a damn about the Geneva convention, but someday, you're gonna be held accountable!

[johnrey]

Chuck Norris can see satellites with the naked eye.

[johnrey]

Chuck Norris is so tough he ripped out clean somebody's skull and beat him to death with it.

The victims last words were: This doesn't seem physically possible!

[Capitaine Vengeur]

Chuck Norris is the ace to beat all aces. Thus:

 

When Chuck Norris faces Baron von Richthofen flying his bright red Triplane Fokker, He throws him to the ground by breaking his three superposed red wings with one single forearm blow, just the way he would have done with a pile of superposed red bricks. Besides, a red plane acts on Chuck Norris like a red cloak on a bull, triggering the Delta Force conditioned reflex called "F**k Communism!"

 

When Chuck Norris faces Erich Hartmann, scourge of the Russian Front, who has just managed to place behind Him... Hey, wait a minute... It's a trap! Can you just imagine Chuck Norris flying a plane whose wings display red stars!?

 

When Chuck Norris stretching on the ground faces Major Rudel swooping down upon Him in his Stuka, His eidetic brain (sic!) remembers that Indiana Jones' father had once had a German plane crash by frightening a flight of gulls. But Chuck Norris can't use such a vile trick, and besides, he is a wildlife protector (sic again!). Fortunately, He can have the Stuka crash just by Himself imitating the flying gull!

 

 

 

[ironroad]

FACT: Contrary to popular belief Chuck Norris and Mr. T have only fought on two occasions...

The first time was on August 6, 1945 and the second fight occurred just 3 days later on August 9.

Realizing the futility of their fight both men now play golf on the the third of each month...

 

 

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.

 

 

Every election day Chuck Norris writes in "Ronald Reagan; 1981 Edition" as candidate on his ballot sheet.

No government official has had the balls to tell him that his ballot is for the State of Texas, or that he is voting in the Russian national elections.

 

 

Mr. T and Chuck Norris high-fived once. Outside of the blast radius the survivors claimed they saw the world "EPIC" appear within the immediate shock-wave.

 

 

It took three different women five years to give birth Chuck Norris.

 

 

The schematic for the original "reactor" called for Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, Sean Connery, and John Wayne to sit in a small room and play cards. The amount of "Awesome" captured within the room would be enough to power the entire western hemisphere for at least 10 years or more.

Due to budget cutbacks the scientist had to settle for nuclear fission instead.

[Slartibartfast]

Chuck Norris was supposed to be mounted into the Stone of Mount Rushmore... But the Stone wasn´t strong enough to hold his likeness

[Coot]

Chuck Norris doesn't find the Most Interesting Man in the World interesting.

[Lexx_Luthor]

server::

When you go to bed with Chuck Norris,....

 

Only Chuck Norris can put this thred to bed now.

[macelena]

Chuck Norris is 1/8 Cherokee. No, he didn´t have any Native American ancestors, he ate an Indian

[Slartibartfast]

 

Chuck beats up on the annoying guy...

[johnrey]

Chuck Norris went skydiving once without the parachute.The dinosaurs died.

 

Then.....

 

Chuck Norris went skydiving again....this time with a parachute.The result is the Tunguska

[colmack]

My daughter asked me when will there be another total eclipse... I told her when Chuck Norris wants to see one!

Edited December 8, 2010 by colmack

[Capitaine Vengeur]

When Chuck Norris says he has never done anything oral with Monica in the Oval Office, you would never ask him to swear. Never. Even if Monica now looks like a pelican.

[Chamo]

Chuck Norris doesn't need ECMs. He will make an angry face to the missile and it will strike home... (It's own launch rail).

 

I hope something like this wasn't posted before, but I'm too lazy to read all facts.

 

 

[colmack]

The state bird of Oklahoma is Chuck Norris’ middle finger.

[Lexx_Luthor]

When Chuck Norris takes a bath after workout, the sweat and muddy water combine to form the Mighty Mississippie river.

[+Dave]

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Only Chuck Norris knows, then he made an omlet.

[macelena]

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Only Chuck Norris knows, then he made an omlet.

 

A chicken omelette. Good idea, BTW, i gotta try

[Coot]

The Time Square New Year ball drop might appear to usher in the new year, but the nations of the world must still obtain Chuck Norris' permission to begin their new year.

[colmack]

Billy Jack might force Chuck Norris to drive his car into the lake..

[FeDee]

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

[Chamo]

Chico Norris always lands. That is because he can always walk it off.

[+FOTF]

Chuck Norris wipes his back side with Charlie Sheen

 

~WINNING!~