Rambler 1-1 9 Posted March 14, 2008 Chuck Norris causes forest fires by looking cross-eyed at a tree and saying something that rhymes with "burn". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
serverandenforcer 33 Posted March 15, 2008 Solar eclipses aren't natural, it's the sun hiding from Chuck Norris. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Dave 2,322 Posted March 15, 2008 Chuck Norris got in the way of a tornado...........once, no weather pattern has been near him since. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ironroad 218 Posted March 15, 2008 (edited) They say the Persian Gulf Ground Campaign took 100 hour the truth is it took Chuck Norris just two hours and five roundhouse kicks. He spent the rest fo the time relaxing in the Kuwaiti sun. Chuck Norris had a son once, the result was another Chuck Norris identical to the first. Chuck Norris then killed Chuck Norris and exclaimed "There can only be one!" True fact: Chuck Norris seasons his food with cyanide and he brushes he teeth with steel wool and Ajax. Chuck Norris made a wild stallion both laugh and cry at the same time. First he told him his @*&! was bigger than a horses, then he proved it to him... The Tale of Moby Dick is infact a true story. Capt Ahab and his entire crew were lost while trying to chase Chuck Norris You can't beat city hall... because city hall is run by Chuck Norris. All of the major networks can no longer air Total Gym commercials, because they are deemed inapporiate for lazy viewers. The Valkyrie project was cancelled because the plane could still be round house kicked by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a Green Beret to the ground, inspired, the young Major quit the Army and joined the Marine Corps as a private. Chuck Norris says "frog legs do taste like chicken"...since that statement an entire Battalion of French Legionnaires has gone missing. *I had to add this one (not mine)* Whenever ChucK Norris uses a Total Gym it cries "rape". Edited March 15, 2008 by ironroad Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hide86 0 Posted March 15, 2008 hehehe Chuck Norris usually doesn't ask a girl for her age...He just roundhouse-kicks her, splits her in two and counts the rings! Chuck Norris killed the night cause she brought him advices...Nobody can bring any advice to Chuck Norris. Nobody......... more to follow! Cheers! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TX3RN0BILL 3 Posted March 15, 2008 (edited) The only reason why zombies exist is because Chuck Norris believes that some people deserve to die twice from his roundhouse kick. Of course, as it is known, Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick is the most effective method of severing the zombie's brain stem connection to the rest of the body, therefore putting the undead down for good. Upon first meeting a zombie, Chuck Norris is known to have said: "You only live twice" - which he licensed as a title to the then-upcoming James Bond movie, but out of fear, no roundhouse kick was featured in said movie - not only not to anger Chuck Norris, but also not to look like a fool because nobody can roundhouse-kick like Chuck Norris except Chuck Norris himself! Edited March 15, 2008 by TX3RN0BILL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Dave 2,322 Posted March 15, 2008 I can't have Chuck Norris kick me in the face. No one can afford to have him kick anyone in the face, have you seen the Man in the Moon's face? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Russkie Raider 0 Posted March 15, 2008 Does Chuck Norris wear boxers or briefs? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Longestpants 1 Posted March 15, 2008 Does Chuck Norris wear boxers or briefs? Neither, Chuck Norris wears human pelts. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Atreides 144 Posted March 15, 2008 Chuck Norris' farts are what the Enterprise uses to warp jump. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hooah! 0 Posted March 16, 2008 Chuck Norris is the only person ever to score a touchdown playing hockey. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rambler 1-1 9 Posted March 16, 2008 Chuck Norris doesn't do pushups; he pushes the world down. (I hope that's a new one- It seems kinda obvious) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Fates 63 Posted March 16, 2008 Chuck Norris once caught Road Runner Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Fates 63 Posted March 16, 2008 Then he let him loose and caught him again Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
serverandenforcer 33 Posted March 16, 2008 Chuck Norris doesn't do pushups; he pushes the world down. (I hope that's a new one- It seems kinda obvious) You just got roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Fates 63 Posted March 16, 2008 Chuck Norris as a Child Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Coot 1 Posted March 17, 2008 (edited) Chuck Norris as a Child The above picture was actually a "My Buddy" at one time, that is until Chuck Norris round housed kicked him in the face. He's been angry Chucky ever since. Edited March 25, 2008 by HrntFixr Please don't re-post pics in replys. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ironroad 218 Posted March 17, 2008 Chuck Norris once went to a male stylist to have his beard trimmed. Afterwards he round house kicked him in the face. When asked why, Norris replied "I don't like pansies." Only Chuck Norris can use E before I while roundhouse kicking C. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rambler 1-1 9 Posted March 25, 2008 Cluck Norris broke the land speed record in the Flinstonemobile. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
serverandenforcer 33 Posted March 25, 2008 (edited) Cluck Norris broke the land speed record in the Flinstonemobile. You just got another roundhouse kick for not spelling Chuck Norris's name correctly. Edited March 25, 2008 by serverandenforcer Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rambler 1-1 9 Posted March 25, 2008 actually, Chuck had a prototype called Cluck. The two battled and Chuck sucessfully roundhoused his "brother" into the 7th dimension. I got the two mixed up. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SayethWhaaaa 245 Posted March 25, 2008 Chuck Norris' Rice Bubbles don't go "snap, crackle pop". They just sit in the packet and say "Shhhh, here he comes!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maverickHR 0 Posted March 25, 2008 Im just watching film, and chuck norris is acting... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Dave 2,322 Posted April 9, 2008 The only thing stronger than Chuck Norris are the winds of a hurricane, however out of fear, the hurricane refuses to prove it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Jimbib 741 Posted April 9, 2008 Chuck Norris can travel faster than the speed of light, in fact once, he round-house kicked those photons back to where they belong, a lowly 3x10^8 ms^-1. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
