Alcohol does that to us I have had a few close calls with it to the point I barely drink nowadays, but as Nightshift stated it takes courage to first of all admit it and then more courage to start talking about it. For you the journey to recovery has started its continuing the way you have started by talking about it even if its on a forum. The hardest loss is losing your own sense of worth for this I understand. May your courage carry you to a successful outcome. And in dealing with this for yourself it is one step at a time. My best advice is simple write to yourself and keep writing, write down all the bad things as well as the good but keep at it for it may help or it may not. Good luck with this and whichever way you want to go just figure it out in your own time. May you be successful in this. As the guys above have said Proud to know you even though I don't know you in person.