2011 Worldwide Threat Levels

[firehawkordy]

ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE & ELSEWHERE : BY JOHN CLEESE

 

 

 

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

 

 

 

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

 

 

 

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

 

 

 

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

 

 

 

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

 

 

 

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

 

 

 

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

 

 

 

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

 

 

 

-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

[+Dave]

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jaman]

"The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy."

 

Sorry, too busy revolting right now.

 

#yeswecamp

[+Typhoid]

[Lt. James Cater]

[+Stary]

priceless!!!

 

love the Scots and Spanish ones

[Slartibartfast]

Your Minions are revolting and thats just the smell... love this I have seen it many times... and being English I love the line about England and tea... only in England...

[+Baltika]

Brilliant

[Lexx_Luthor]

I don't bust out laffing often at the keyboard but this did it....

 

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

 

[+Dave]

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

 

This was my favorite line because it is spot on!

[+Stary]

soo true Dave

[ShrikeHawk]

Hysterical!

[+MigBuster]

hahahahaha

[pyro]

" The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out."

 

Brilliant.

[Derk]

John Cleese = brilliant........ and YEARS ahead of things.

If, like me, you consider the Credit Crunch an threat too, with stupid and greedy bankers have a look at this

 

 

Houdoe,

 

Derk

Edited May 21, 2011 by Derk

[+Gr.Viper]

Good!

A few months ago, I think, Russia got those colourful threat levels too. They go blue: "We think, s**t's gonna happen.", yellow: "We're pretty sure s**t's gonna happen... somewhere some time" and red "Oh, s**t, too late"

[Capitaine Vengeur]

The common gradation of colors for threat and fear is: red (prints) --> white (masks) --> yellow (faces) --> brown (pants) ...