firehawkordy 34 Posted May 20, 2011 ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE & ELSEWHERE : BY JOHN CLEESE The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level. -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Dave 2,322 Posted May 20, 2011 OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jaman 5 Posted May 20, 2011 "The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy." Sorry, too busy revolting right now. #yeswecamp Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Stary 2,427 Posted May 20, 2011 priceless!!! love the Scots and Spanish ones Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slartibartfast 153 Posted May 20, 2011 Your Minions are revolting and thats just the smell... love this I have seen it many times... and being English I love the line about England and tea... only in England... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lexx_Luthor 57 Posted May 20, 2011 I don't bust out laffing often at the keyboard but this did it.... The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Dave 2,322 Posted May 20, 2011 The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. This was my favorite line because it is spot on! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
pyro 7 Posted May 21, 2011 " The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out." Brilliant. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Derk 265 Posted May 21, 2011 (edited) John Cleese = brilliant........ and YEARS ahead of things. If, like me, you consider the Credit Crunch an threat too, with stupid and greedy bankers have a look at this Houdoe, Derk Edited May 21, 2011 by Derk Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gr.Viper 131 Posted May 21, 2011 Good! A few months ago, I think, Russia got those colourful threat levels too. They go blue: "We think, s**t's gonna happen.", yellow: "We're pretty sure s**t's gonna happen... somewhere some time" and red "Oh, s**t, too late" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Capitaine Vengeur 263 Posted May 23, 2011 The common gradation of colors for threat and fear is: red (prints) --> white (masks) --> yellow (faces) --> brown (pants) ... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
