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Lt. James Cater

Change Again

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Lost another job.

 

Had a severe and near close to extremely violent meltdown and knew what was coming so just began packing. Met with boss and HR type a while ago, went through what happened, Everyone came to same conclusion.

 

Relocating again. Homeless again. Been there done that many times.

 

Will be 45 years old in a few weeks. Pretty much have run out of options.

 

Marshalling will and resources for what may be final offensive.

 

Conquer Or Perish!

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Sad news, mate!

My best whishes for the future!

My wife also had lost her job...I can understand you.

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Hang in there, James. There is an old saying that the night is never more dark then just before dawn. Faith helps.

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James, been there, done that, life is hard. Help is out there, you have to look for it and ask for it. Only on rare occasion, does it lands in front of us and offer itself... Faith helps, but you have to believe. Some years ago, that was all I had left. It's better now, because of grace, but still difficult, mostly because of myself.

 

But by the grace of God, there go I...

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One thing for sure. As soon as i get to where i'm going, i'm picking up a cheap small caliber pistol and some tools and parts to make a supressor.. I"m too old to be tolerating any significant amount of disrespect from anyone. The next time someone crosses the line i'm not going to say boo, i'm simply going to kill them the first reasonable chance i can get.

 

Next, i've pondered what to do for a more lucrative income and have come to the realization that i've more or less reached the end of the line. For good paying jobs in certain industries i'm either too old for entry level or i physically cannot perform the work as my body is too worn out from a lifetimes worth of serious injuries and medical neglect. This will be the last kitchen i intend to work at as by the end of the shift i'm usually in considerable pain.

 

I'm thinking hard about throwing fortune to the wind one last time in the next year or so and if nothing pans out, calling it a day. Life wearies me.

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The employment situation in South Dakota is supposed to be terrific because of all the new oil and gas exploration. The different network evening news programs have all run segments on the difficulty businesses have had filling available positions of any level. It has turned into a latter day gold rush mentality. If you are thinking about taking a leap of faith, it might be worth researching further.

 

P.S.

Shooting stupid people won't make anything better....

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James, gun idea is a bad one. Killing people in real life is a bad idea. Respect is earned. Hold your head high, live a clean life, discover the true peace faith can bring, and respect will come, regardless of your place in the world. These are not platitudes, but real things in your life. Do the best you can with what the good Lord gave you to work with and it will work out. Once again, faith helps.

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So here i am in a motel room for the next day or so. After this i'll find a spot to camp out as i'm loath to spend crucial money on a Salvation Army rent a bed. I'll check out a job i looked into a few months ago as well as a temp company i'm registered with and the union i've been a sometimes member of for years. If nothing comes about by the end of this week, i'll put in applications at some leads i got before getting the chop. I need whatever money i have for transportation as it costs a lot to be able to be able to relocate anywhere in the lower 48 within two days notice, which is my usual guarantee to employers.

 

South Dakota i've looked at for some time but it's a million to one shot seeing as i don't have any specialized skill to offer. I've known of positions available as the low man on the totem pole on drilling rigs but i honestly doubt i can do the work without substantial chemical assistance to say the least. I can't fool myself that i can plain outwork someone half my age out there anymore. Not without a drugstores worth of painkillers at the very least along with maybe some quality meth to keep me going. The reality is that for all intents and purposes, my time is pretty much up. The endgame is seemingly being played out. The next moves will be very crucial.

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If you are that short of money, why are you doing drugs? Most employers require a drug-test these days anyway, so you are beat before you start in your situation. Not harping, just stating the facts.

Edited by Jug

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If you are that short of money, why are you doing drugs? Most employers require a drug-test these days anyway, so you are beat before you start in your situation. Not harping, just stating the facts.

 

Actually the only drug i do is alcohol. As a matter of fact i'm on the tailend of a 4 day binge at the motel. Cost more than i expected but what the hell, i needed to be alone and intoxicated. Tommorrow i'm back on the streets but at least i got really good leads recently. First off, i should be able to get back to a job i had years ago as they are very busy and need lots of help. Also, i was talking to a guy from the Teamsters and he told me i ought go next week and sign on. At the very least i'll get on the C list and will get maybe a single day a week. If all turns out well i should get a place in about 2 months or so.

 

I've been looking hard at various things that can give me an edge and basically it comes down to various redbull + "cocktails" i used to rely on years ago to get wired for work. I'm also looking for the strongest painkillers i can get over the counter that can be taken on a long term basis.

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Have a usual sleeping spot now. It's a rather nice spot but a bit noisy at times as it's about 20 yards from the rails and we get lots of freight trains at night. It get's a bit chilly very early in the morning too so i hope to get inside sometime before mid november as it'll really be cold at night then and i don't have much in the way of cold weather gear.

 

Anyways, i have decided on a final attempt to rise above. If things aren't going well by June i'll begin preparing for the end. I refuse see myself at this level anymore and will not tolerate being older and going nowhere.

 

Conquer Or Perish.

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James,

 

It seems to me you are going about this wrong.

 

What I mean to say is this. You sound like someone who is intelligent and can articulate clearly. Your posts here at CA have tended to be easily read, understood, and usually very to the point....if sometimes a bit passionate. Which doesn't sound like someone who can only do brute force work...coming at it in a brute force way (ie straight on). Have you thought about doing an end run? Finding work that doesn't require a lot of physical activity but has plenty of entry level opportunity (telephone CSR comes to mind)?

 

Also, if you have the opportunity, goto cracked.com and read some articles by John Cheese. I think you will find a kindred spirit there.

 

The universe has a billion different ways it will try to kill you...don't give it any help.

 

FC

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Good sir,

 

I hope things work out for you and I honestly do hope you do find your way and find something that is worth living for.

 

I can't say that I know how you feel, because I can only speak from my experience.

 

I did not grow up with much, had to fight and work for everything I wanted. I am just happy for having the god given (or insert creator of your choice) opportunity to breathe under my own power, and the freedom to move about as I please.

 

There are others who aren't so lucky and I would really hate to see another person with so much potential go down the road that others have traveled many times before. I can tell you from personal experience going to a funeral of a loved one that was murdered as a result of senseless gun violence is numbing and surreal. Getting a phone call just before the crack of dawn because the another love one, which happens to be institutionalized, has been put on suicide watch, can really screw with you.

 

It does suck out there and its hard. There is no doubt in my mind about it, and I'm sure there are others here who can attest to it through their own experiences.

 

But it is all relative...

 

I have heard some stories from people who "appeared" to have it all that were really twisted. But I have also know people who I thought had nothing, but were probably in a better position that I could ever hope to be (and made me look like jackass to boot).

 

Whatever the case maybe, I have learned that you have to be motivated for yourself, because no one can and or will do it for you.

 

Sir, I wish you luck and I hope you realize that a step in ANY positive direction is still the right one.

 

I do not have doubt in my mind you will make it through this, I don't know when or how, I just know that is going to happen.

Edited by ironroad

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James try and hang in there bud, I am half a world away from you and thinking about you and for sure there are a lot of people here that care about your situation.I have had a few real dark periods in my life but always managed to come through eventually in the end.

 

Al

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Figured i'd update a bit on the recent news...

 

Totally screwed things up back in late 2012. Tried doing things that were proven in the past but things have changed radically at the bottom levels so finding something even low paying and semi solid in terms of hours is rather difficult now due to the profusion of chain-temp agencies.

 

Blew a chance to get work with the Teamsters due to lack of tools and so a $14 and hour gig went to hell. Eventually was so broke that it took some time to get the needed things together and make it back into the Culinary Union, of which i've been an off and on member since the mid 80s. Anyway's by the time i got things straightened out i was able to get one (1) day of work breaking down a banquet at a Strip hotel on New Years day and that's been it. Basically it's the dead time of the year so one can try for convention work but that's pretty much it until April or May when things pick up for the vacation season. Oh yeah, the bastards at the hotel screwed up the payroll so i haven't been paid yet. I think i'll call one or two more times before i threaten to shoot someone.

 

Basically life revolves around the homeless shelters.

 

Get up at 5:30AM. Kill time till 6:30 when we have to go out. Go to another shelter that opens up at 7AM. Kill time until 9:15 or so and head out to the library. Kill time reading, thinking, and planning until 5PM. Head back down to the shelter. Wait till your age group is called. Lineup and go inside to get a bed. Read, think and plan. Shower. Read, think and plan. Lights out at 10PM. sleep. Wake up at 5:30am and repeat the cycle. If my clothes are clean and acceptable i'll do things different and go to the union hall fo the morning roll call and if nothing pans out (which is the norm this time of the year) head to the library. Occasinally some job lead might seem good enough to check out and so it's time to undertake walks that usually end up at around 10-15 miles round trip from the skid row area to where ever the lead is at.

 

Since i've been going to the shelter (Early DEC) i've dealt with lice on three different occasions. The shelter has no standards as to personal hygine so it's only a matter of time until you get a dose since you sleep in a different bed every night and the blankets are only washed once a week. I make it a habit to check my clothes every night at shower time and dread even having an itch since you never know. I've also had the flu already as no matter what, you'll go through about 4-5 upper resp infections before the winter is over.

 

At least one has plenty of time to think about things and plenty of reading time to study. It's sorta like prison except being locked up is generally considered a better deal around here. There are some guys who purposly get themselves arrested so as not to spend the worst of the winter outside. Believe me, i've been rather tempted a few times to just beat the crap out of some @%$^head just bad enough to get 90 days. At least then i'll have a secure place to work things out in.

 

So basically all i can do now is wait until April/May at the union hall. What it comes down to is that if i don't land at job there by mid June at the latest, Life, for all intents and purposes, is over.

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Good luck Sir, keep struggling. Try to use the time in the library getting some formation. I don´t know how things are there, but we have here something known as "People´s University" (no communist thing) in libraries wich provides some minor qualification courses nearly for free in administrative or other areas. If there is some possibility to get anything like that, go for it, don´t fall down into boredom, stay active, there will be something for you, not the job of your dreams, but something wich could help you out. I wish you the best, sir.

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Hang in there James - luck has to change soon - on the bright side at least you can walk - something I cant do at the moment.

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The moment of truth is Monday.

 

One of the two companies that dominate the hotel/casino scene here is having a job fair as they are getting ready for the vacation season much earlier than usual. Tommorrow i'll have my best fake sheet ready (As my applications can best be described as creative writing) and it's off to my storage unit very early Monday to change into my interview clothes (NEVER wear anything even semi valuable when you're homeless).

 

It is beyond any doubt a make or break occasion.

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