+Jimbib 747 Posted May 2, 2008 I once encountered Chuck Norris in an online game of Call of Duty 4, and even got lucky enough to pop a cap in his ass.... However as always, no man escapes Chuck Norris, really, no one. It says he killed me with a G36, not true, he did in fact round house me, and just after this screenie, I got a CTD due to the sheer power it hit me with. The moral of this story? Don't f*ck with Chuck. (even a virtual version) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Weasel Keeper 0 Posted May 2, 2008 Chuck Norris can stare a diamond back to a lump of coal. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FastCargo 412 Posted June 18, 2009 Excerpts from USAF CNTTP 3-69 (Chuck Norris Tactics, Techniques and Procedures) UNCLASSIFIED 1. Chuck Norris executes a banzai gameplan regardless of awareness and AMR. Short-skate tactics are for the weak. 2. Chuck Norris is always in the "advantageous element." 3. Chuck's commit criteria is JFS Start. Mr. Norris doesn't need avionics or a weapons system to be lethal. 4. Chuck Norris once had a WG call a KIO for a PTO shaft failure. Chuck said he was "rejoining chase" and subsequently gunned the guy for being "worthless and weak". 4. If Chuck Norris is conscious he's inside your turn circle. 5. Chuck Norris does not jink. Under any circumstance. Period. 6. Chuck Norris once had a wingman go blind. That man hasn't been heard from since. 7. Chuck Norris doesn't do SEAD. The word suppress is not in his vocabulary. 8. If you fly with Chuck Norris, do yourself a favor and don't brief a shot doctrine. As a matter of fact, don't brief any contracts, except killing. On second thought, don't brief that either. It's assumed. 9. Chuck Norris' right eye has 4 times the acuity of a Sniper Pod. 10. Need a EA plan? Try having Chuck Norris hum the 2nd verse of Metallica's "Enter Sandman." 11. Threat criteria...not with Chuck! 12. Don't use the term "Ten Chucks" during the adversary coord brief when Mr. Norris is around. He just doesn't like it. Use something else to describe the AA-10C. 13. Chuck Norris guides all LGBs with a standard Life Support issue fingerlight. It's still unclear how he does it but he uses continuous lase as a general rule. 14. Chuck Norris refuses to do any GP delivery except a 90 degree dive bomb, thus negating the need for CWDS. This attack should normally be flown as a direct pop. 15. The F-pole of a Chuck Norris employed AMRAAM may vary by up to 6nm based on Chuck's mood. Just something to consider when you "build your numbers." 16. Chuck Norris maintains the Link-16 network using an abacus, a 30-minute hourglass, and 8 two-way CB radios. That's all you need to know. 17. Chuck's ownship is position is always bullseye. In fact, BRA calls are made off of Mr. Norris. 18. Chuck Norris was once told to ********* by OCA escort when he was a striker. Chuck killed the entire blue OCA escort 4-ship, then banzai'd into 6 Red Air groups inside FR. Since this took a few minutes, AWACS subsequently asked if he needed a TOT extension. Chuck kamikaze rammed the E-3 and proclaimed "Chuck Norris on guard, picture clean." 19. Chuck's MESL: 20. Chuck Norris dug Groom Lake by hand at the conclusion of the Vietnam War. 21. Chuck Norris' controlled ejection altitude is -6 feet AGL. 22. Chuck Norris has never in his life been denied GPS acquisition. 23. Ronnie did not leave the Tomahawks for a better "job opportunity." He was killed by Chuck when he entered the wrong takeoff in the scheduling computer for a Chuck Norris 4-ship. 24. Chuck Norris noise abatment procedures: 2 strafe passes with 20mm on anyone calling in a noise complaint from the base golf course when he flies. DC Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
scouserlad13 0 Posted June 18, 2009 Chuck Norris is said to have round housed a ghost and killed it Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cali 6 Posted June 18, 2009 Chuck Norris once round housed a black hole and reversed it, sending everything back. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GwynO 16 Posted June 18, 2009 Chuck Norris once ran so fast around the Earth, he caught up with himself and roundhouse kicked his own head for being in the way.. with his left fist. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JediMaster 451 Posted June 18, 2009 If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked himself, who would win? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cali 6 Posted June 18, 2009 If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked himself, who would win? Chuck Norris............................of course. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Coot 1 Posted June 26, 2009 Chuck Norris is the Total Gym's workout machine. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Dave 2,322 Posted June 26, 2009 Chuck Norris once called an airstrike in on himself. Nothing happened. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dsawan 624 Posted June 27, 2009 Colonel Yen, for the crimes committed against the people of this prison camp, I sentence you to death. Norris knows prison camps. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
xclusiv8 35 Posted March 17, 2010 (edited) The fart of Chuck Norris is so dense that when created it creates a new star that instantly explodes into a big super roundhouse kick! Edited March 17, 2010 by xclusiv8 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Muesli 2,161 Posted March 17, 2010 (edited) Don't f#$k with the Chuck! Edited March 17, 2010 by Muesli Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lexx_Luthor 57 Posted March 18, 2010 Chuck Norris backs up his computer data. Dave, maybe this FACT about Chuck Norris will help the flock understand...? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Capitaine Vengeur 263 Posted March 18, 2010 Whenever Chuck Norris makes love to a woman, she smokes thereafter. I mean: actually, without using tobacco. The last dude who dared to ask if it was the same thing with a man, got a full container of roundhouse-kicks, and gave back a full glass of teeth. Chuck Norris once tried to learn how to dance capoeira. In the process, he destroyed the entire school (I mean: students, teachers, the Big Boss level 12, walls, and even the next block). He then explained by a single word: "Fags." Big problem. Chuck Norris is no more a young man (I say it being protected by anonymity!), and the Japanese have not yet been able to produce an expendable remote robot to make his rectal touch. And last one. How does Chuck Norris compose his next menu? He simply reads the list of all those here who have posted on this thread. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Capitaine Vengeur 263 Posted March 18, 2010 When Chuck Norris faces Jet Li standing in a defensive stance, He makes him disappear far away just by blowing upon him, and says: "Chuck never chokes chicks, girlie...". When Chuck Norris faces Neo jumping and flying all over the room, He just catches him between two fingers, soaks him in His morning bowl of milk, and says: "Black is NOT beautiful to you, sonny...". When Chuck Norris faces Terminator carrying a Minigun, He just makes him rust at once on his feet by spraying him with some of His natural, self-produced liquid, and says: "Sorry Tinocchio, I have left my Swiss knife in my other camo vest...". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Capitaine Vengeur 263 Posted March 20, 2010 When Chuck Norris faces Indiana Jones fencing with his whip, He just grabs it at His vey first move, draws it to Himself, and says: "So kind of you, man, I had broken one of my shoestrings...". When Chuck Norris faces Spiderman swinging between skyscrapers, He just catches him between two fingers, tears his suit to pieces until his naked body is covered by nothing but a blue and red apron, and says: "That street is dirty with cobwebs. It's disgusting. Clean that, Rosita. Right now...". When Chuck Norris faces Obi-Wan Kenobi with his ignited lightsaber, He just looks deep into his eyes, makes a single move with His hand, and says: "God, you're going to piss your pants...". And Kenobi repeats: "God, I'm going to piss my pants...". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UK_Widowmaker 571 Posted March 22, 2010 I think he's a twat Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Caesar 305 Posted March 23, 2010 Chuck Norris once went to give blood at a local Red Cross, carrying a bucket and a .45. He was unable to donate, however, as the .45 proved incapable of penetrating through Chuck Norris's arm hair. This incident has solidified the theory, and probable fact, that only Chuck Norris can damage Chuck Norris. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dsawan 624 Posted March 24, 2010 COL YEN, FOR THE CRIMES COMMITTED AGINST THE PEOPLE OF THIS PRISON CAMP, I SENTENCE YOU TO DEATH! BRAAADOCKKKKKKK! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OvS 8 Posted March 24, 2010 (edited) Chuck Norris is so tough... He made Steven Segal give up Aikido, Hollywood acting, get fat and convince the world that he's really a tough guy Sheriff on a lame reality TV show based in some no-name town, with a bunch of old, smelly, has-been ex-cops working for him... or worse... a top notch blue guitarist... Segal kickin' a$$ in "Above the Law"... before a round-house from Chuck Segal in... well.. who knows.. his best Santana impression... after a round-house from Chuck. OvS Edited March 24, 2010 by OvS Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+daddyairplanes 10,243 Posted March 24, 2010 Chuck Norris fought Bruce Lee all freakin nite in their hotel hallway. nuff said. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+Brain32 265 Posted March 24, 2010 A few results of light under-influence evening with my buddies(rough translation to english): Chuck Norris built the house he was born in. Chuck Norris earned a bilion on "Who want's to be a millionare?" Everybody can piss their name in snow, Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete. Chuck Norris can fart when he has dhiarrea. Chuck Norris can start a Yugo on first attempt, every time! And a dozen more I can't remember now lol Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OvS 8 Posted March 25, 2010 Chuck Norris's '76 AMF Harley NEVER breaks down!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
serverandenforcer 33 Posted March 29, 2010 When you go to bed with Chuck Norris, even your nightmares have nightmares. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
